Preview
Short preview. The download is the full pack.
15 of 15 daily downloads left · resets in 21hSign in free for the tools
Transcript
0:00Carl.0:01Um, I don't really know that much about Carl.0:04Oh! Loves animals.0:06Always dragging home some poor stray he found.0:09Taking him up to his room.0:12Electric.0:13Electric.0:14Field trip. Need that signature.0:16Okay. Arms up.0:21I'm working after school.0:23Don't tell.0:26Steve.0:27Carl.0:28I mean after that much practice you would think the man would have0:30It's not me0:34Gallagher, number 21190:36Yeah, but that's not ours0:37Uh, I'm gonna woke up0:41After you finish your shake and fry0:46Sacred family fishing grounds that paid off last year0:49It's us!0:58What'd you hate when that happens?1:00There is tits. It's the only reason he eats eggs.1:02Did she just lick that one?1:14...deciphering the human genetic code.1:16But he's also one of the most controversial.1:19An iconized ego who has fond of the conventional wisdom1:23and tweaked the staid scientific establishment at every turn.1:28Oh!1:30Get out of this shit!1:32It's bun, whatever!1:34You're leaving?1:36Yeah, I'm trying to get herpes.1:38No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!1:40The bat is for killing, not for taking to school.1:42I don't need any more notes from your teacher!1:44Oh, you, you, you, Destructo! That's my toaster!1:46Trying to make the melted man.1:48Yeah, well, use a blowtorch like a normal kid.1:50The calendar's game, you need to see what tickets are for.1:52I'm going to get to school.1:54I'm going to get to school.1:56I'm kidding.1:57The Islanders game needs to see what tickets he wants me to get.1:59I saw online that we can get an extra $200 a month from the state if we say Carl's retarded.2:05No!2:06Debs, you never met her.2:09No, I never will!2:11Do you take the phone back?2:22No.2:23No towel and robe upstairs Oh you know that pay phone that stood outside the cash and grab Yeah Alright I want you to get on your bike go to the pay phone call the police2:39Tell them that you saw a little boy walking down South Court Avenue at 2 45, okay?2:44Well, why should I?2:45You wouldn't be in a children's home until you're 18.2:47You can call my union as a climbing wall, Carl?2:50I don't have a bike.2:51I don't have a bike.2:52Firecutter's in the junk drawer.2:53I saw a little boy walking down Southport Avenue at like 2.45.3:05Yeah, 2.45.3:06You asshole.3:07Vote if you want.3:10Target?3:11No.3:12Hey, hey.3:13You got hot dogs?3:14No hot dogs.3:15You got hot dogs?3:16No hot dogs.3:24What?3:28To the bank.3:29No, no. Carl here is interested in being an altar boy.3:33That's a big responsibility.3:34Yeah, we know. We tried talking him out of it, but he cried and cried, so we thought we'd bring him in.3:40See if you thought he had what it takes.3:42Hello there, Carl.3:45I'll be back for you in a bit, bud.3:53Looks like we have a priest's reviews wedding.4:01I got it, so let's put this on too, huh?4:10Smoothie.4:17Didn't Fiona tell you to stop electrocuting dolls?4:21They have to pay for their sins.4:27Some of them all end up in the same place.4:29Did Carl blow up the neighborhood again?4:31Ah, rewards for shitting the good old days.4:33Hey, let me give you guys a ride.4:36Teacher told me to give this to you.4:38Wait, what did you do?4:39Nothing.4:41This is from last Friday. It's Wednesday. Carl!4:44Wait, what do you do?4:45Nothing. Hey, bath stays here.4:52Water in the blood.4:56Can you stop that I serious Carl we serious The stakes are really really high5:05We love you, and we need you in this family, in this house.5:10You need to stop biting and punching and hurting people.5:14How else do I make them cry?5:16Gossip and slander.5:18You know, when I get really angry, I usually just count to ten.5:22Hey, little man, I'll tell you what we're going to do.5:24We're gonna get you some pads and some skates.5:26Get you out on the ice.5:27You can take your frustrations out with a hockey stick.5:29Yeah, you can come to karate with me.5:31Remember when I broke Kyle Boosley's leg?5:33It took three pins to put it back together.5:36You can't beat karate when it comes to regulated, sanctioned violence for children.5:48Let him go!5:49Get my brother back in the house or the kid swings the back.5:52Okay, okay!5:53Now!5:53Keep your shit straight. I'll pull him in.5:55Hey, now. Come on.5:56Okay.5:58Okay.6:03Oh!6:23Why keep loving your dimension?6:28Cool, I just got a subscription to Penthouse.6:33A show of hands, how many of you, at one point or another, wanted to see me dead?6:49Stuck the ice in his shirt.6:51Stop, enough.6:52Body needs to be cold more mother look in the coffin. I remember when7:11Devoted father7:13Toothpaste!7:18Is that a taser?7:19Where'd you get that?7:20I let him borrow it.7:21Hey, hey, hey, hold me out.7:22What was the call?7:23Carl finally got invited to some place by normal kids Robbie Rebello having a payball party The hotel Yeah but he not going so I gave him the taser to play with Don worry it doesn work7:35You weren't going, Carl?7:37No, it cost $27.7:42Here.7:44Awesome.7:47Paintball blocks.7:49I had the best day of my life.7:52Do you wear a face guard?7:54Nope.7:55Hurry up!7:56Oh, Dad!7:57What the?7:59Oh, don't get the egg!8:01No!8:02Hey!8:03Cool!8:04Anyone seen the laptop?8:06Mickey Mouse Pancake.8:07Are you serious?8:09Excuse me.8:10What?8:11Clear the table.8:12Guys, don't get too used to this, okay?8:19Well, Dad's not always gonna be so nice.8:22Yes, he will.8:23Yes, you will.8:24I don't want you two getting hurt.8:26Hurt?8:28Yeah, yeah, Walter.8:29And you guys were...8:30And you talked to him and you fed him.8:33I mean, you took him everywhere with you.8:35You changed and nobody fed him.8:37See, you guys are that turtle, okay?8:41Dad's buying us another turtle.8:46Oh, no, forget it. Never mind.8:53What happened?8:56It's better this way, Carl.8:59That we commit to the American people.9:02Just bracelet.9:03No problem.9:05Oh, man.9:06Oh, man.9:15You guys missed a great party last week.9:17Oh, shit!9:24Oh, shit!9:39Yes!9:40Shatterproof my ass!9:42Hey, see you coming?9:44Hold on, now.9:44We are going to make a baby while we watch Cosmos?9:48That's going to make him grow up.9:50Billions and billions of sperm.9:52Eww!9:53You don't grow.9:56Okay, take...10:00Why didn't you take us with you?10:02Because...10:03Baby's like fashion accessories!10:05Hey, King Lee!10:06Carl!10:07Go back to your room.10:08You both brush your teeth?10:09Yes!10:11Carl!10:12Go!10:13Now!10:17Hi, Carl!10:18Hi, Fiona!10:19I love you!10:20I need ten dollars.10:22Admission fee!10:23Um...10:30Oh, shit!11:00Oh, fuck!11:06Where Fiona She doesn live here anymore Monica Nope I think I broke my arm11:15Uh-huh.11:17It hurts a lot.11:20Yeah.11:24That one?11:26Yeah.11:27Ow! What the...11:30Go get your bike.11:35Carl! Carl! Carl!11:46I think you broke his arm!11:48Oh shit!11:49Can I go to the hospital now?11:51Just give me a couple more yells first.11:53Ow!11:55Oh my boy!11:56Alright, they reset his arm.11:58Yeah, so please stand your bar still and just keep up in the middle of the night and you look at the...12:01There's nothing you can do...12:02Uh, family meeting?12:04Why?12:05They're coming our legal guardians.12:06I'm just gonna pick up the results in about an hour.12:09Wow.12:10Carl, could you start passing the salad?12:12Please?12:13Monica is Liam mother and I know you about what For Christ sake you only tricked me and me into come when two ladies get married they lesbians penetration isn required for sex12:38oh uh mail's not here yet what are you kids doing at home budget cuts eat my ass friday off12:46What?12:50Person used Loto before.12:52Gotta find a job.12:54You should come with me.12:56Why?12:57It's time you learned the family business, son.13:00Take up your resume, Daddy.13:02Here as a passionate professional...13:07Aren't you a little bit curious?13:09I got a... insurance agent.13:12Part trouble.13:13I'll be discreet.13:14That's so great.13:16Okay.13:17These are the jobs nobody wants.13:19The conditions are hazardous.13:24Going to work with your dad?13:26No school But to cook Yeah me too Want to go out sometime I only 12 It cool I into older women13:38Carl, hey, we're decorating, not eating.13:42Hey.13:42All right.13:44What do we got going?13:45Look at the Xbox.13:47You're getting in this classroom, Mom.13:49Okay.13:50Don't want to wait just because I'm kicking your ass.13:53Eat into me.13:54I'm here.13:54But no felonies, no.13:56They gave you a cavity search?14:01No, we weren't there long enough.14:02I think it was probably on the menu, though.14:04See anybody get shanked?14:07We were cuffed to a bench in a hallway most of the night, Carl.14:11They take their belts and shoelaces so you don't hang yourselves?14:13Carl, go help Veronica with dinner.14:15I'll help with breakfast.14:16You pulled out a cereal bowl. Go.14:20Breakout.14:21Silverware, plates.14:22No.14:23Well, we're making stir-fry.14:25Hey, try...14:25You figured out what you're going to do to them yet?14:27Huh?14:29Punishment? Ground them for a year?14:31Nothing. I'm not their mother.14:32So I can steal a car and nothing will happen to me?14:35You steal a car and I'll smother you in your sleep.