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0:00I guess it's natural for parents to cry. I was homeschooled. I know what you're thinking.0:07Homeschooled kids are really religious.0:10My sweater, isn't it? Yeah. Okay.0:13What?0:14Whatever I want.0:16Where are the plastics?0:17They're teen royalty. If North Shore was Us Weekly, they would always be on the cover.0:22That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet.0:26And that little one?0:28It's Gretchen Wieners.0:30She's totally rich because her dad invented toaster strudel.0:33And evil takes a human form in Regina George.0:37Well, I'll be fooled, because she may seem like your typical selfish, backstabbing slut-faced hoebag,0:43but in reality, she is so much more than that.0:46She's the Queen Bee, the star. Those other two are just her little workers.0:50Regina George. Regina George is flawless.0:54She has two Fendi purses and a silver Lexus.0:57I hear her hair is insured for $10,000.0:59I hear she does car commercials in Japan.1:02Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.1:04One time she met John Stamos on a plane.1:06And he told her she was pretty.1:08One time she punched me in the face.1:10It was awesome.1:12Cafeteria is crucial because you got it.1:14The greatest people you will ever meet.1:16Beware of the plastic.1:18Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen1:21and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later.1:24She's not interested.1:26Do you want to have sex with him?1:28No, thank you.1:30Good. So it's settled.1:31So you can go shave your back now.1:34Bye, Jason.1:35Oh, my God. I love your bracelet.1:37Where did you get it?1:38Oh, my mom made it for me.1:40It's adorable.1:41Oh, it's so fetch.1:43What is fetch?1:44Oh, it's like slang.1:45From England.1:46So if you're from Africa, why are you white?1:50Oh, my God, Karen.1:51You can't just ask people why they're white.1:53Okay, we should just know that we don't do this a lot, so this is like a really huge deal.1:59We want to invite you to have lunch with us every day for the rest of the week.2:03Oh, it's okay.2:04Coolness, so we'll see you tomorrow.2:06On Wednesdays, we wear pink.2:09Hey, get out of here!2:10Oh my god, Danny DeVito, I love your work!2:13Why do you hate his name?2:15I thought she dumped him for Shane Ullman.2:17Okay, irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off-limits to friends.2:20I mean, that's just like the rules of feminism.2:22Okay so uh I think it Get in loser we going shopping I never had a risk Suicide Damn you were so lucky you have a Segai She not going out with anyone2:36Okay, that was so fetch.2:46Wow, your house is really nice.2:48I know, right?2:49Hey.2:52To our home.2:54I just want you to know if you need anything don't be shy, okay?2:58There are no rules in this house.3:00I'm not like a regular mom.3:01I'm a cool mom.3:02Right, Regina?3:03Please stop talking.3:04Okay.3:05It was my parents' room.3:06Nate.3:07My hairline is so weird.3:09My pores are huge.3:11My nobets suck.3:13What's up?3:15Tell me everything.3:16Crank pack is a grotsky little biatch.3:18Still true.3:19Don Schweitzer is a fat, hot Janice E.3:22Okay, love ya. See you tomorrow.3:24On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.3:26It's October 3rd.3:28Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.3:33The hardcore girls just wear lingerie and some form of animal.3:37Huh. What are you?3:40I'm a mouse. Duh.3:43Why showed up like this?3:45Why are you dressed so scary?3:51It's Halloween.3:53What? He's a good kisser.3:55He's your cousin.3:57Yeah, but he's my first cousin.3:59Right. So you have your cousins,4:01and then you have your first cousins,4:03and then you have your second cousins.4:05No, honey. That's not right, is it?4:13Now, Catty, if we want this to work,4:15you are going to have to keep hanging out with them4:17like nothing is wrong.4:19I can do it.4:21Okay, let's rock this bitch.4:23On purpose.4:25I knew how this would be settled in the animal world.4:33But this was good.4:37Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle,4:39she'd be like, why didn't you call me back?4:41And I'd be like, why are you so obsessed with me?4:44Oh my god. I love your skirt. Where did you get it?4:47Where did you get it?4:48Uh, it was my mom's in the 80s.4:51Vintage!4:52So adorable.4:53Thanks!4:54That is the ugliest effing skirt I ever seen I mean why would Regina send you guys candy canes and not me The whole dance will be backwards I always on your left5:05And right now you're getting on my last nerve.5:08Switch.5:10And finally, please welcome to the stage, Santa's helpers.5:25That is so fetch.5:29Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen.5:32It's not going to happen.5:37Coach Carr?5:40Train pack?5:42I really want to lose three pounds.5:46Oh my God, what are you talking about?5:48You're so skinny.5:49Shut up.5:51Okay.5:52You have really good eyebrows.5:54Thanks.5:55All the time and everybody just knew stuff about you.5:58This was Halloween party.6:00They've been in several more ever since.6:08I was a woman possessed.6:14I spent about 80% of my time talking about Regina.6:17And the other 20% of the time I was praying for someone else to bring her up so I could talk about her more.6:21You say why?6:22Somebody told him about Shane.6:25I gave him everything.6:26I was half a virgin when I met him.6:29You want to do something fun?6:31You want to go to Taco Bell?6:33I can't go to Taco Bell.6:35I'm on an all-carb diet.6:36God, Karen, you are so stupid.6:39I'm kind of psychic.6:41I have a fit sense.6:44What do you mean?6:45It's like I have ESPN or something.6:48My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.6:52It won't close.6:55It's a five.6:56Well, the calotine bars have burned up all your car.6:58Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up?7:01Sorry.7:02We only carry sizes one, three, and five.7:04You could try Sears.7:08You're acting like a bitch.7:09Hey, I called you last night.7:10I can't go out.7:13I'm sick.7:15Boo, you whore.7:19So that's against the rules, and you can't sit with us.7:22Whatever Those rules aren real They were real that day I wore a vest Because that vest was disgusting You can sit with us7:36And this time when Aaron saw me, I wouldn't be caught in some ridiculous costume.7:41Hey, guys.7:44You look awesome.7:46I know, right?7:52You know what? It's not my fault you're, like, in love with me.7:55or something? What? Oh no she did not.8:02This girl is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever...8:32met. Do not trust her. She is a ugly slut.9:02Oh crap, my hair!9:36That's probably true.9:38How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?9:52Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble,9:58and I'm sorry I told everyone about it.10:00And I'm sorry for repeating it now.10:07Huh?10:08Laura!10:09I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles and we'd all eat it and be happy.10:15She doesn't even go here!10:18I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me.10:21But I can't help it that I'm popular.10:23I'm just gonna work in bed here.10:26I'm just gonna...10:27Regina, wait.10:29I didn't mean for that to happen.10:30To find out that everyone hates me, I don't care.10:32Regina, please.10:34Regina, stop.10:35Do you know what everyone says about you?10:37They say that you're a homeschooled jungle freak10:39who's a less hot version of me.10:42Yeah.10:42So don't try to act so innocent.10:44You can take that fake apology10:46and shove it right up your hairy...10:48And that's how Regina10:52Gina George died.10:53No, I'm totally kidding.10:56But she did get hurt.11:02Then there was Miss Norbert.11:05Seriously needed to pluck her eyebrows.11:16Her outfit looked like it was picked out by a blind Sunday school teacher.11:20she had some 99 cent lip gloss on her snaggle tooth.11:24And that's when I realized, making fun of Carolyn Kraft wouldn't stop her.11:27Me now! You like that?11:35In case you're wondering, the plastics broke up.11:37The jock rolls weren't afraid of her.