Reese — Malcolm in the middle [1080p]
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Media information
TypeScenepack
Quality1080p
Duration42:06
Downloads2
SourceMalcolm in the middle
CharacterReese
AddedSep 20, 2026
Transcript
0:00I'm gonna go hit the monkeys. I mean go see the monkeys.0:12You want this?0:15Too slow.0:19Hey, watch me goin'.0:21Big mistake, pal. You wanna go? Well, go!0:32Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?0:33He started it.0:35Goats don't start it. Get out.0:40Guess what I get to do?0:43Leave.0:51Go away!1:02Get out of here!1:05I'm warning you, I'm not following your GOAT mind games!1:21In your face, goat!1:39Who's laughing?1:40Second more!1:42You can let us out here.1:45Here, Dad.1:46Here's good.1:47Thanks for what you did back there.1:49Firecracker did all the work.1:50That's a good thing about cheerleaders, they stampede easy.1:52Let's get inside before Mom and Dad see.1:54Ah, the golden boy has returned. Release the dubs!1:57Hi, Mr. Herkaby.1:58And you must be Reese.2:00I have been thoroughly briefed on you, and if you do one thing wrong,2:03I'm gonna go medieval on your permanent record.2:06Ask yourself, whatever happened to the old Dino discipline?2:11Mr. Herkaby!2:16Hey, Danny.2:18deciding to be part of something from the very beginning.2:22Stain, it's classic.2:24It one of those rare nicknames that will stick with the person forever because they are so perfect in their cruelty Hey you know what weird It actually wiping out my memory of your old name Is it Monty Marco2:35Mom's here!2:37Dad got in trouble? Mom is freaking out.2:39Whatever you do, stay out of her way.2:41What are you talking about?2:43Stop! I won't let you do this!2:45I would rather die than be left alone with Mom!2:47Get out of the way!2:49No! You can run me over! I don't care!2:51I don't care!2:53Here, take my pancakes.2:55Oh, and I did your laundry.2:57I fold them warm so they wouldn't wrinkle.2:59Reese, I'm not gonna tell you about it.3:01It didn't even happen. Okay.3:03Where didn't it happen?3:05It should go. What am I thinking?3:07So what's Grandpa like?3:09He's okay, but the rest of Dad's family3:11treat Mom like crap. They're jerks.3:13Rich jerks. And Grandpa's the richest3:15of them all. And he loves kids.3:17Just say and do what I tell you3:19and we'll be set for life. You're nuts!3:21Look, it's too late for you and me, but Dewey's still young and adorable.3:24Although we do have a narrow window to work with.3:26You're going to look like a freak.3:28And the calf has to be restrained so that it doesn't kick.3:32I got you, Grandpa.3:35Dewey, goodness you god.3:37I bet you don't even remember me.3:41Yes, I do.3:42You sang to me when I was sweeping.3:44You remember that?3:46Why, that's adorable.3:48So good to see you, Dad.3:50We did some good work today.3:53Tomorrow, we'll hit Grandpa with a good ship lollipop number right after breakfast.3:56I want to swim in the pool.3:58You can swim in the pool when we own the pool.4:00Nice angle you're working with Grandpa, Malcolm.4:02I have to admit, you're getting a lot of face time.4:04But when he croaks, all he's going to leave you is that stupid Civil War crap.4:08Reese, you can have it, but I want it out of the house.4:14Back off, Grandpa. He's ours.4:17What?4:17We've been working this guy for three years, and we're not about to let you waltz in here and sneak him out from under us.4:25What are you saying?4:26It's a big house.4:29Accidents happen.4:33My socks are itchy.4:35You boys should know that I am here for you anytime you want to talk about anything.4:38After we get this picture taken, I'm going to spend some time with each of you because I am involved.4:42What are you gonna do We don know We never know Alright everybody ready I was born ready5:09We had to get out of there pretty fast.5:11For our own safety. It was unbelievable.5:13We drove three blocks before Aunt Claire let go of the door handle.5:17Guess we just kissed off a six figure truss bond.5:20I told Grandpa he tied me in the golf cart.5:23What? He still likes you. Nice, we're back in the game.5:29Yeah.5:36What?5:41Okay, I ate the cupcakes you baked for Dua's class last night.5:46And I took Dad's license to make a fake ID.5:48And I can't return your necklace because I already sold it.5:55I was just going to say your shirt didn't go with your pants.5:59Oh.6:00Phew.6:02Hey, was that a shot at me?6:03Yeah.6:08Don't you have midterms to study for, too?6:10I think I threw tomorrow.6:11Don't you even care that if you don't study, you're going to fail?6:14Meh.6:16How do you do that?6:17How do you go through your life without worrying that bad things are gonna happen?6:21I don't know. I guess if I feel myself starting to worry, I just sing the Minty Mint song in my head.6:26They're cool, they're fresh, they'll clean your breath. Minty Mints are your breaths, friend.6:31So when I just asked you that question about failing, you were thinking about that song?6:36Yep.6:37Boys, for the last time, get in here and help me with these groceries now!6:44Minty Mints are your breaths, friend.6:47Reese, you're a genius.6:50That girl Allison just asked me why everyone in the world has accents except for us.6:53And instead of going into this long explanation, I thought of the Minty Mint song.6:57And all that came out of my mouth was, because they're weird.6:59And she liked it.7:00Cool.7:01I could actually feel my brain click off.7:03She said I was cute, and then she touched my shoulder.7:05Let's keep this in the family, understand?7:07Mm-hmm.7:08Hey, here she comes.7:11Oh, man. I just did it once. What if it was all just a fluke?7:14Could be fine.7:14I'm too new at this.7:15Just relax.7:16But just say what I say.7:19Who do you think invented this spoon?7:21Paleo?7:22Spoonie Spoonicus.7:25I know I promised you the tuxedo shirt but I sell this at the mall and I think it way better Oh my god I was gonna buy this after school No way Righteous7:35Oh!7:35Oh!7:36Whoa!7:37Nougat!7:38Yeah, that dude!7:39Oh, yeah!7:40Want some punch?7:43If I say yes, you're just gonna hit me.7:45I'm going to hit you anyway, but it's funnier if you say yes first.7:49I don't know. I guess I'd say I like curly fries better.7:52Ha! I knew it! You totally owe me a buck, Malcolm.7:54What about Cajun curly fries?7:56Oh my god! I completely forgot about those! Those are my favorite!8:00Mine too.8:02Why can't they make more foods, Curly?8:04You know what I don't get about football?8:06How come the away team has so many different uniforms?8:09I don't know. Rich kids?8:11Probably it!8:13You wanna make out?8:15With you? Sure.8:17Have you seen your brother? He was so st...8:19I'm so scared!8:20Ow!8:21Ugh!8:22Ugh!8:23You've been dead!8:24Ah!8:25Get a black eye, you jerk!8:26You're gonna pay for this!8:28You are gonna drop this!8:29Ow!8:30I only want money.8:31It... I don't care!8:32You're just gonna let him have last licks?8:46Help me!8:49Help me!8:55I'll help you.8:59Wake up.9:01What do you want?9:02I just want to let you know you're not getting less licks.9:05Huh?9:06I'm sick of you always having an edge just because you're an idiot and I'm smart and understand about consequences.9:10I can be just as vicious and short-sighted as you.9:13Oh yeah, I'm really scared. Why don't you just...9:19What'd you do?9:22I sunk to your level.9:25And I have to say, it feels good.9:29If you can be vicious, I can be smart.9:40How many copies did you make?9:42I don't know.9:43How many copies are there in a pack of 500 sheets?9:45This isn't over, Reese.9:46I don't know why you're so upset.9:48Look at you going like a big boy.9:54Hey.9:55Get out of here. I'm busy.9:56I'll be quick.9:57You know, while I was ripping down all those doors,10:00I was racking my brain trying to come up with some way to get back at you.10:03And I began to wonder, what's the point?10:05No matter how hard I try, nothing ever stops you.10:08Maybe you're just better at this than I am.10:10Well, yeah.10:11Then again, maybe we should ask your friends what they think.10:16What?10:17Your friends?10:18These are your friends, aren't they?10:19You're always hanging out with them, or near them anyway.10:22Hey, do any of you know this kid's name?10:26This kid right here.10:27Do any of you know his name?10:30But he's always following you around. You never noticed him before?10:34So, he's been sitting right next to you for months just pretending to be your friend.10:39Wow, that's sad.10:41Well, uh, his name's Reese.10:44And guess what? I'm better than you. I win. It's over.11:00Are you doing?11:08Fine, let's see.11:10I've done 63 laps.11:12Keep the chain.11:14Well, I don't care either.11:16This is a game of chicken race, he's not gonna win!11:21I'm too angry to blink!11:23When he sees my face, he's gonna know he doesn't have a chance!11:25He's often flying as he guns a car around the track,11:28Scamming down the pedal like he's never coming back11:31I bet he's waiting just a-11:33Get-11:35I should've told the doctor to sew fur and tails on you boys, because you're animals!11:39Only animals would be easier, because I'm not gonna have you fixed!11:42For all the good it does, you're grounded. Again.11:45Thanks for getting me grounded on my birthday!11:47Oh boo hoo, I was grounded on my birthday!11:49I was just standing up for myself!11:51There is such a thing as justice, you know!11:53Well there is such a thing as shut up!11:54Stop it!11:55What?11:56Malcolm, do you remember what you did for your birthday last year?11:59Nothing, I was grounded then too.12:01And what about your birthday?12:02You grounded me after I smashed Malcolm's face into the cake.12:05And your birthday before that?12:07Pretty much this.12:09Wait, when did you push me off the pony?12:13Hey, watch your drive, you butt-wife!12:20What'd you say?12:23Nothing.12:24You better watch yourself jerkwad Kick your butt Yeah well I wish I had a car like that12:38Now, I insist that you take this.12:42What work did you do last week?12:43Young man, nice job with those weeds yesterday. Is $5 okay?12:48Okay. Thank you.12:50No way. You didn't pull any weeds yesterday.12:52I know.12:53What's going on?12:54It's money day.12:55Money day?12:56Yeah, I don't know why, but it's been happening a lot lately.12:59Dewey, people don't have money days.13:04Nice job, son.13:05Thanks.13:06Wait a minute.13:07Why are you giving him five bucks?13:08Why?13:09This young man cleaned out my gutters.13:11He sorted my recyclables and I didn't even ask him to.13:14Couldn't find a nicer kid.13:15I wish I could give him more.13:17Don't worry about it.13:22Can't be money day.13:24There is no money day. I wouldn't know about it if there was a money day.13:29Unless, maybe mom and dad don't want me knowing about money day.13:36Excuse me?13:37Beat it, kid. I'm trying to figure something out.13:39Okay, sorry. I'll just rake around you.13:48His name's Billy Prescott. I followed him home. He lives like a mile away from here.13:53He looks exactly like you.13:55You're lying.13:55Am I?13:56It's common knowledge, Dewey, that every person on this planet has an evil twin.14:00He's my evil twin?14:01That chance.14:02The guy's a saint.14:03You're his evil twin.14:04But I don't want to be an evil twin.14:06I don't make the rules, Dewey.14:08Besides, we've been given a golden opportunity here.14:11To do what?14:12I don't know yet, but there's money and an evil twin.14:15If we can't figure out how to make this pay off, there is something deeply wrong with us.14:21Come on.14:22Let's go watch some soap operas.14:23If you don't do it, I'm gonna tell Mom about you taking all that money.14:27And you're gonna get a me punishment.14:29Now get to work!14:31Man, filling up that guy's car with cement was a stroke of genius.14:35With Billy Prescott as our fall guy, we can do anything!14:38Now, I've updated my enemies list.14:41Dewey.14:45Dewey, I'm talking to you.14:50We heard enough?14:53Oh, yeah.14:57OK Now I know what you thinking But the thing that you don realize is that I not the real Reese I just look like me him but if you hurt us I mean him oh just go ahead15:13Hey mom, I grew an inch!15:23Come back please, I'll find us a ride.15:25Those concert tickets cost me $40 each.15:27That's two times 40.15:29Divide that in two, and it's $40 a ticket.15:31But it's not my fault I can't drive us.15:33You're the one who had his license taken away.15:35Because my public defender wouldn't even15:37try the insanity defense.15:39Well, you better think of something,15:41because if we can't get there, then we're not going.15:46Don't ever date anyone smarter than you.15:49Dad, please.15:50The concert's Saturday night.15:51I need a ride.15:52Reese, no.15:53Your mom has to work and my car is in the shop.15:56You'll just have to find someone else.15:58Are my hips even?15:59Watch my butt while I walk.16:01Dad, I swear to God, if you don't drive me,16:04I will leave home forever.16:06Or I'll never leave.16:08Whatever's worse.16:09It's your choice, pal.16:13I think you're going to like this.16:15Yeah, yeah, I get it.16:17I put it in my mouth, your toenail clippings are in it.16:19I spit it out and you've got it all on video.16:22It's been done.16:23I'm so sorry about that, but we've both grown up a lot since then.16:27And I have a proposal I think you might find interesting.16:32It's still warm.16:35Now, I know a hip guy like you keeps up with the current music scene.16:39It's awfully short notice, and you're probably not even available.16:43What are you talking about?16:45There's a concert this Saturday, and Allison and I were wondering if you'd like to go.16:50You want me to go to a concert with you?16:52Yeah, pretty much. But the real fun part is the drive there and the drive back.16:57But I don't have to tell you, right? I mean, look who I'm talking to.17:01A single, middle-aged guy with a cat. You know all about the dating scene.17:05Well, sure, that's my rep, but...17:07I mean, it's not like you're even excited to go out on a real date.17:10It's not like it's something that you'd be bragging about for weeks.17:13Of course not. I mean, who cares?17:15But if people were to ask, I'm not forbidden to tell them, am I?17:19Not at all. This is going to be great.17:21And you say I can tell people, right?17:25What are you talking about You know I have a lot of homework to do during the week and I can really spend Look just listen to it tonight and get back to me with your top four choices Now what do you think for a shirt17:36I like the blue, but I'm worried the open collar look is a bit racy.17:40You don't have any pants on!17:41That's what these are for.17:43I want you to pick your favorites separately, then we'll decide what goes together.17:46Whatever.17:47But I'm a Libra, so I like to think the best of people.17:50So Craig, I was telling Allison how well you focus on your driving.17:54So, Ally, do you have any brothers or sisters?17:57What do you think you're doing?17:59You don't talk to me, you just start kissing?18:01I am a person.18:02Okay, don't freak out, I can handle this.18:04My family kind of owns it.18:06You know, Craig, another thing girls really like is the strong, silent type.18:11Craig, Craig, you just passed a concert.18:14You said she'd be lying to me! You said she'd lie!18:17Yeah, let's ditch this loser.18:20Okay, okay, see you at school.18:22Why?18:24I'm the one that you18:28Why am I?18:30We haven't seen it in months18:31Because you're stupid18:34It's a glandular thing18:35He's very sensitive about how short he is18:38I couldn't say it if it wasn't true18:40Yeah, well sometimes mom's right18:43You take that back18:44Why don't you let my dad worry about that?18:50Check this out18:50What does it say?18:52Just read it, it's funny18:53I don't read. Not unless I absolutely have to for school. Otherwise, I feel like they've won.18:59You never read the paper?19:02No.19:03Not even comics? Like Peanuts. You never read Peanuts?19:06Nope.19:07Are you serious? You've never read Peanuts?19:11Uh-uh.19:14Hey! Mom, Grandma just stole my bacon. I'm waiting for the rest of them to fall first.19:19DELAYM!19:26Oh, it's just you.19:28What are you doing?19:29Everyone's blaming me for Grandma getting hurt.19:31And I got an idea for how to cheer everyone up.19:33What are you going to do?19:34I don't know if I can trust you.19:36Come on, you can.19:39Tell you what. Punch yourself in the face.19:46Okay, you're in.19:48First thing you can do is show me how to turn this thing on.19:51Boy, everyone's in such a crappy mood.19:53It's awful.19:54If only there was some way to cheer everyone up.19:57Be cool.19:58I'm going to go show up here.20:00Good idea.20:01Have fun.20:02I thought they'd never leave.20:06Tell me about it.20:07Okay, it's still good.20:08I'll get the gift wrap.20:11You ride the car.20:13It's here!20:15I have good news!20:17You know how everybody's been so depressed around here lately?20:20What can I do to cheer everyone up?20:22And then it hit me.20:23It was the most obvious thing in the world.20:25I bought us an above-ground swimming pool.20:28And the best part is, you don't have to pay for it for six months.20:32It's a raft.20:33With cup holders.20:35They're setting the pool up right now.20:37Oh, and don't just thank me.20:39Dewey was in on it too.20:40He's lying!20:41Huh?20:44What's going on?20:45Mom's pregnant.20:46What?20:47You can't do that!20:48Do you know how dangerous it is to have a baby and a pool?20:54Dad told us that during the first trimester of pregnancy,20:57Women sometimes get a type of extra blood loss with a cesarean sex.21:01He says,21:02Mom, Mom, it's gross.21:03I! Give me my pen. I'm warning you.21:06Ooh, I'm scared.21:07What are you gonna do?21:08What's the baby gonna do?21:11Ooh!21:12I can't believe you boys.21:15No.21:16Oh, my God, look at you.21:18Aww.21:19He better not need stitches.21:21Aww.21:22Yeah, like you weren't begging for it.21:24Hmm.21:25You look like a mile away!21:27Why do we have to go shopping anyway?21:29Mine do.21:33Can't you go shopping without us? I'm a medium, I like blue. Go crazy.21:37Seriously, Mom, think about it.21:39You shot down my star-21:41Oh, it hurts!21:43Stop, Pins, we can stop.21:49Reese, take these and go with your brother.21:51Mom, what are you doing? Why are you giving me a pink shirt?21:53I don't wear pink. I've never worn pink.21:55That shirt is red.21:56If you have something to say, just come out and say it.21:59Oh my God, I'll find you another one.22:04Wow, what happened to your face?22:07I slumped it wrong.22:08What do you mean?22:09Well, I was sleeping like this, and then my knee went up into my elbow,22:13and my elbow hit my hand, and it went into my mouth.22:15And no one hit me, okay?22:17I don't want to hear any more of your whining.22:19You try this on right now. Understood?22:23Look Grace is short You looking for a dance partner You think you can do whatever you want don you22:35That people aren't gonna say or do anything because you're...22:39Frail.22:40Heels off.22:41Alright, Reese is back!22:43You wanna take your teeth out before we start this, Grandma?22:45Oh no, Reese is back!22:48These are your kids!22:49I was just trying to buy a...22:51Happy Valentine's Day, Zayn.22:52Yeah, happy Valentine's Day.22:53I can't believe we're locked out.22:54Mom won't be home until 6.22:56I'll do it.22:59Thanks.23:00That credit card thing takes hours.23:02Go Coaster!23:03Look at that ring!23:06Killing the baby.23:07Will you stop saying that?23:10Oh my god, I don't think I can keep this up.23:12We're not really hurting the baby, are we?23:13Leave.23:14Since there was no contraband found on or inside your body.23:23Oh.23:23I just realized, you're in prison. You're locked up in here for life.23:28What do I need to be afraid of you for?23:30Ooh, I am so scared of Prison Boy.23:33What are you gonna do? Stretch out your arms 70 miles through the bars to my house?23:41He's getting parole next week.23:53Hey, I don't care if you get out! You'll never figure out how to find me!24:01Jackass.24:02How come she's allowed to be naked on the kitchen table and I'm not?24:05Dewey, if a cop tells you to do something, you do it.24:10What are you boys doing?!24:12Actually, Dad, your exact words were just, go to bed.24:15You didn't say, go to bed now.24:17If you leave us a loophole like that, I don't see how this can be our fault.24:21Could you repeat that? My mind kind of wandered toward the end.24:23We're bulletproof.24:25What are you gonna do?24:26I'm not sure yet.24:27This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.24:30It's gotta be perfect and huge.24:33I want this to be a statement about everything I stand for.24:39Ah, shoot.24:40I was gonna go outside this weekend.24:42Maybe the weather's better on Channel 7.24:44Hey, Allison.24:46Okay, here's your book report.24:47It's a guaranteed A.24:50Oh, I totally forgot to do mine.24:52and I can afford to get another F No problem Now we both get C No way is she babysitting She younger than me She older than me Shut up Dewey We gonna have to pull together and make the best of it25:06It's gonna be a little embarrassing.25:07Hey!25:09You can't make me take a bath.25:10I'll go outside and roll in the mud and I'll go to bed that way.25:14Come on, be a big boy.25:15I'll take the tugboat and you can have the ducky.25:17You think this is funny? It's kind of funny.25:19Reese, I'll make you a deal.25:21Help me with the dishes and I won't make you take a bath.25:23You can't make me do anything!25:25Boy, Alice almost read about your temper.25:27What are you talking about?25:29Oh, she was kind of saying that you were...25:31You know what? Never mind.25:33Is she mad at me?25:35I wouldn't say mad.25:37What'd she say?25:38I probably shouldn't.25:39No, no, no. You have to. Give me that.25:41Well, it wasn't really what she said. It was more the way she said it.25:47Oh, that's baked on. You're gonna need some cleanser for that.25:49Oh, okay.25:51Go on.25:53Reese?25:54Don't step on the floor!25:56Jessica said if I scrubbed the floor,25:58she'd tell me how far Allison's willing to go with me.26:00Okay.26:01She can't get away with this.26:03Once she finishes laying out her clothes for tomorrow,26:05she's dead meat.26:06And I'm really much better at making someone dead meat26:08after I've had a good night's sleep.26:10No, I wanna stay up and do more s-26:12Oh my God!26:14Tell Allison you spent an hour on the phone with Cindy Reed.26:18Oh, now it's a crime to be a good listener?26:21You're welcome.26:26Reese?26:28Can I get a ride home with you?26:30What if we want to watch it again?26:32How soon?26:33What?26:34But today's the one day that Allison's parents aren't home26:36to interfere with her homework.26:39Reese, your mother...26:40This isn't fair!26:41Mom can't control us when she's not even here.26:43Nobody is being controlled by your mother.26:46For instance...26:47Here is my handle, here is my...26:50Ow!26:52Tip me over and pour...26:55Ow!26:56Not it.26:59Hi, Mom.27:00We're fine.27:02Okay, I'll ask him.27:04Mom wants to know if you swept the leaves off the garage.27:07I'm doing it now.27:11Oh!27:11Here he is!27:13Chinduie, Malcolm is...27:14It's ridiculous! We're never gonna make that movie!27:16I'm moving as fast as I can, okay?27:18He's doing a really good job, Mom. You may want to give him a break.27:22Thanks, Dewey. You're a good brother.27:24She said no Don you think it a little strange that your mom keeps calling just so you can do Dewey homework and fix Dewey bike and move Dewey furniture around27:35What are you trying to say?27:36It's obvious, isn't it? She wants you to do stuff for Dewey.27:39Hey, if you want to talk to her about it.27:41As a matter of fact, I do.27:42Forget it. There's no talking to her.27:44Yeah, Mom. You just finished digging that underground fort you wanted.27:48Really, Mom? You want me to cut Reese's hair? But he loves his hair.27:54Okay.27:54This is so unfair.27:58Just get it over with.28:00Mohawks are kind of out, Mom.28:02What if I...28:03Do you hear a strange ringing, Mom?28:09You are so dead!28:13You think she'll notice the grass fire?28:15Just remember, as far as we know, Dewey has always been missing the tip of his finger.28:19Boys, we're home!28:20Oh, boys, I missed you so...28:24Dad knocked down your bedroom wall.28:25You make a garage sale?28:27That's a terrific idea, Reese.28:28Don't you think that's a great idea, Hal?28:30Actually, I was the one who...28:31And you know what?28:32You can be in charge.28:34You can organize all this stuff.28:35You can set the prices.28:36You can pick the date.28:37Why? I didn't do anything.28:39Reese, this isn't a punishment.28:40This is us demonstrating our faith in you.28:42Because I know you are going to do a great job.28:46We believe in you.28:47Don't we, Hal?28:49For God's sakes, he's my son.28:50I love him.28:52Just answer the question, Hale.28:54Who wants juice?28:56I do!28:58Reese, if you put the heavy boxes down first and then stack the light ones on top...29:02It just kills you I'm in charge, doesn't it?29:06Throw it out. It's garbage.29:08Reese, maybe we should try to find out what it is.29:10Mom! Malcolm's not respecting my leadership!29:12Malcolm, you respect Reese's leadership!29:16I was thinking 11.30, so I could watch cartoons.29:19Where were you this afternoon? I instructed you to separate the twist ties according to length.29:24I was doing homework.29:26No homework takes more than 20 minutes.29:28Dewey, what are you doing? A tennis ball doesn't go with the football, it goes with the ceramic bananas.29:33Because I say so! And because alphabetical order was slowing us down.29:37Relax, Debois, I got two bucks for it.29:39It had 16 dollars in it!29:41Wah wah. Spilled milk.29:44What are you doing with that? I ordered you to throw this away!29:47Let go of it, you idiot!29:49Hal, just say it again, please. I really need to hear it.29:55Rhys is hopeless.30:01For the school formal.30:03It's satiny and long and...30:05and what's that color between pink and purple?30:07Mauve.30:08Oh, sorry.30:11Isn't she cute when she gets excited?30:13Her cheeks get all red,30:15and then she gets a little twinkle in her eye.30:17I've gotta tell you, I'm a lucky guy.30:19So you're really gonna spring for a limo and tux and all that?30:21Hell no, we're not going to that dance.30:23It would practically wipe up my leather jacket fund.30:25What are you talking about?30:27I've got it all worked out.30:28I let her think we're going and then right before the dance, I pick a giant fight.30:32She gets so mad at me, she doesn't want to go.30:34And then the next day, I apologize.30:36She takes me back and then it's smooth sailing into her birthday.30:39Malcolm!30:41Did you get your tux yet?30:42Uh, uh, the dance is in two days.30:44Of course I got my tux.30:46Good. Hey, look at this. It's my dress. Isn't it amazing?30:50Are you sure this is gonna fit? Because...30:53You're so fat.30:55Oh, you're such a goofball sometimes.31:00Anyway, I really like these bows.31:02Maybe I should get magic shoes, but I don't want it to look too outfitty.31:05FOOD FIGHT!31:08What the hell are you doing?!31:10Come on, it's a food fight!31:12No, it's not! You're just throwing egg salad at me!31:14Yeah, cause that's the kind of thing I think is fun!31:16You are such a jerk!31:18That's it! I don't ever want to see you again!31:21Until the dance!31:25Reese! How many times have I told you? No ice cream in the living room! You're dripping31:32all over the rug! Are you crazy?31:36No. Just extremely disrespectful. I mean, what are you gonna do with a kid like me?31:41Ground me?31:41You bet I am. One week in your room. No TV, no video games, no contact with the outside31:46world. After you take Allison to the dance!31:49What?31:50Reese, you made a promise to that girl and you are gonna keep it!31:53How did you...31:54Look, Reese, some people are born book smart.31:56Others are born crafty and street smart.31:58You, I'm afraid, are neither.32:03Now let's see you chicken out.32:09What are you doing?32:11It's not what it looks like.32:12It looks like you're trying to break your foot32:14just so you don't have to go to the dance with me.32:16Huh. You couldn't be more wrong.32:19If you don want to go with me then why don you just break up with me I really like you Allison I just didn want to spend all that money on the dance I know that was selfish and I really sorry32:35But I still really want you to be my girlfriend.32:39Well, thanks for being honest.32:43But you made a promise to me, and I'm going to hold you to it.32:46You're going to get me a corsage, and you're going to rent a limo,32:51and you're going to pick me up at 7, and we're going to go to the dance.32:55Okay.32:56You'll see.32:57We'll have a great time.32:58We'll dance the spotlight dance, and we'll make sure we get our picture taken together33:03so we'll always remember this night.33:06And then I'll break up with you forever.33:25No!33:26No!33:35Finally!33:37Alright, you stupid, useless old man!33:39There's gonna be some big changes around here!33:42Without us?33:43You know the plan?33:44As soon as you leave, I put Reese on a bus to see his grandma in Canada, after school33:48I take Malcolm over to Stevie's, and Dewey!33:50Have fun in school today, suckers!33:52I'll send you a postcard from Whitehorse.33:54Reese, figure it out. It takes 26 hours to get there and 26 hours back.33:58Your backpack is full of food, and no one ever called Grandma.34:03Wait a minute. I'm spending the entire weekend on this bus?34:09How could you do this to my favorite son?34:12The only one I ever loved is now lying in a ditch somewhere.34:17Well, I better call the coffin store. Goodbye.34:24I knew it! I knew if I came back I'd catch you here!34:39You can't be trusted for five seconds, let alone a whole weekend!34:42Okay, look, just don't tell...34:45Wait a minute. What are you doing here?34:47Me? I'm here to guard the house from your bad things you're doing.34:53What's in the bag?34:54Candles Chocolate strawberries Sleepless in Seattle My God you gay No I not Look I don know how I did it35:05but I talked Kathy Mikulski into coming over tonight.35:08Kathy Mikulski?35:10I'm impressed.35:12She doesn't leave her house for anything less than second base.35:14Which is exactly why we need the house to ourselves.35:16I'm sorry, Malcolm. I'm already committed to this party.35:19Reese, you've seen enough teenage movies35:21to know how badly this is gonna turn out.35:23I haven't just seen them, I've studied them.35:25And I found the fatal flaw.35:27In every one of those movies, the party was on a Saturday night.35:30Mine, Friday.35:32This gives me an extra day to refill the pool,35:34replace the crystal thing, turn back the odometer,35:37and get the dead bodies back in the ground.35:39Please don't do this to me.35:41Tell you what, Malcolm.35:42I'll try and keep the front room closet off limits as long as I can.35:45Hey, you guys wanna come to a party at my house?35:48It's gonna be amazing.35:49My parents are gone for the whole weekend.35:51The whole weekend?35:52weekend? You heard me. 48 hours totally unsupervised. Anything goes. Total freedom, man. Interesting.36:01What's this junk? What is going on? Okay, here's what's going to happen. We have some private36:05business to conduct. This is now our garage for the next 48 hours. You don't come near it,36:11you don't ask about it. We get out before your parents come back. They never have to find out36:15that you're the one who invited us. What the hell are you guys doing? You know, he just explained it36:19really well, but all I could hear is my own heartbeat.36:22Reese, that stuff is...36:23See, that's you guys talking and that doesn't work for me.36:26Now can I trust that you guys won't talk?36:28Or am I gonna have to remove something to make it physically impossible?36:33Did Fast Eddie like a salmon?36:35Crotch again!36:36Fifteen points.36:37Nice shot, Randy.36:38Chuck!36:39Randy, we gotta put in the catalyst.36:41Okay, we can finish this game later.36:43Don't look so downed, Chuck.36:44You're still in this.36:47I think it's a party again.36:48Are you kidding me? This is a hostage situation.36:51No.36:52Reese, haven't you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome?36:54You're starting to identify with your captors.36:56What captors? These guys saved my life, man.36:58Because they decided not to kill you.37:00Same thing.37:01Shh. We just got them to go to sleep.37:05Let's just go back to Craig's apartment and wait it out till Sunday.37:08Look who I picked up from the bus station after not having seen him since I dropped him off.37:12Canada was wonderful. I brought bananas back for everybody.37:16Festival of Brides?37:18That's the lamest name for a car show I've ever heard.37:20I know I haven't been everywhere,37:22but I'm pretty sure this is the most boring place on earth.37:24What are you talking about Rhys Do you know what kind of craftsmanship goes into these lace veils huh Hey can you get me a piece of the flour37:35I'm talking to an actual customer right now.37:37I'm a customer.37:38Yeah?37:39Are you getting married?37:40Why, does somebody like me?37:42Hey, what are you, about 5'7"?37:44Yeah.37:44Perfect.37:45I own a tuck shop.37:46One of my models didn't show up.37:47I'll give you 20 bucks if you walk around the floor in a tux37:49and pass out my card.37:50Buzz off.37:51It's very simple.37:52No problem.37:55And then I said,37:59Orange you glad I didn't say banana?38:03Hey!38:05I found these in the trash.38:07Can we discuss this later? I'm with friends.38:09Give me the tux.38:10What?38:12No! I like this tux. It's mine.38:14It's not yours. Now give it back or I'll call security.38:18Hey! I'm over there!38:20Hey!38:22We are the worst kids in the world.38:25Mama's right.38:26We really are evil little trolls who have absolutely no consideration for anything but ourselves38:32and destroy everything we come in contact with.38:35And we're lucky if we don't end up in prison or dead.38:39Here's what we're going to do.38:40There's a class that starts here in ten minutes.38:42It's all about how to be parents and newborn babies.38:45We're going to take it.38:46What are you talking about?38:47We're going to learn how to help out.38:49We're going to learn how to be good for once.38:51All right.38:51Yeah, this baby's not going to get dropped on his head all the time.38:54Yeah!38:55When your milk duct is blocked, it's called mastitis.38:59It's important that you let your baby suck the obstruction out of the breast, and don't39:03be alarmed if the baby then vomits up a cottage cheese type substance.39:07Now join me over here.39:10Like I needed another reason to hate cottage cheese.39:13I've been kind of zoning it out here, but did she just say milk comes out of those things?39:17Reese, that's what they're for.39:20My god.39:22are the cows of people!39:26My biggest fear is that I won't be a good big brother.39:29Babies are born stupid and they're really counting on you.39:33They'll touch stuff they shouldn't, they'll eat anything.39:36I'd say half of all our Legos have been through this kid.39:39Probably more.39:43Can I get a new baby?39:45White! Cream!39:47Ready!39:49Done!39:50Yeah! Number one!39:52In your face!39:54We're just learning how to take care of our babies.39:56That's loser talk.39:57We're gonna be the best big brothers ever!40:00We ace diapering and we totally own tub time.40:03I'm so glad I memorized all the common household chemicals that can be poisonous to the baby.40:07You know, all the stuff parents have to do,40:11all the feedings and bathings and diaperings and safety stuff and scheduling,40:16it just made me realize.40:18Mom never did any of this.40:21There's a bottle of this on our headboard.40:22No wonder we turned out the way we did.40:30What?40:31I love you.40:33Stop saying that!40:35Ever since we joined this church, you've been acting really weird.40:38That's because I'm a different Reese.40:40I was sitting in Bible class dead, when suddenly, I was awakened.40:46I'm dedicated to something outside myself now.40:49Something wonderful.40:50Now come here.40:52Can't you just hit me like you used to?40:56I'm just too happy.40:58Um it time It all became clear to me that first day in church And now that everything has been carefully prepared this will be the most magnificent day of my life41:09What are you doing?41:11I plan to float above the clouds41:13and experience a joy that only birds can know.41:16You're gonna fry yourself on a high voltage wire.41:19I'm not afraid. I have faith in my vision.41:22I love you, Dewey.41:28Amazing race, how sweet the taste that saved a wrench for me.41:38I once was in the lost and found, was blind but found my keys.41:48You really don't belong around civilized people.41:52Oh, come now, I'm sure that's just a...41:58Oh, my God.
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