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0:00Warren motherfucking Buffet. What up nigga?0:02Aw nigga, stop beating around the bush. How much you need?0:05Two billion? I'm giving you eight. And don't pay me back nigga, you good.0:09Aight, my nigga.0:12Downscans say he ain't so shit.0:14Significent was all fucked up.0:20Where's the target?0:21Allah, make my testicles strong against the boot of the infinite.0:26Where is the target?0:27My gonads are indestructible.0:30My penis shaft is strong like the oak tree!0:41No?0:47Wait!0:48Wait a minute!0:50Okay, look!0:51Maybe I was being stubborn!0:53Let's try and talk this out!0:55Wait, I remember!0:56The target is-0:57I got everything I need for this whole operation right here.1:04I got my secret plans and maps.1:06Only problem is it's so thin, so light.1:09It can fall out my pocket and I don't even know the shit happened.1:11And did you know the screen was so indestructible?1:13It could stop a speeding bullet.1:14Shit can't stop no damn bullet.1:16It's iPhone, not the iSpy phone.1:18I remember when these shits first came out, man.1:20Bitches would be coming up to you like, let me see that iPhone.1:22Let me play with it.1:23Let me stick it up my ass.1:24Put it in my mouth.1:26Suck on it.1:26Then one day, you know, I got tired of all these questions, you know what I'm saying?1:29I let the girls stick the iPhone up her butt.1:31Took the doctors 12 hours to get it out.1:34And you know what?1:35It was still working.1:40What?1:41I still hear their screams.1:44Ooh, ooh, ooh.1:45I know.1:46Yep, that's what the iPhone say.1:48Will you just please make the fucking call?1:52I ain't got no goddamn bar.1:54Watch me, watch me do it, folks.1:55Sergeant Dudd, crank that dance, watch me crank that-1:58Granddad, I know you're not gonna believe me, but I think there are government agents that are coming to-2:03Shh! Boy, I don't have time for your crazy bull crap.2:06I don't like to be bothered with my real Housewives of Compton is on.2:09Oh, no, she didn't.2:11Ew, yes, she did.2:14Ed, we got a jet.2:16Sure ain't over yet.2:17Now, Ed, we got some shit we gotta take care of.2:20Super secret type shit.2:22Ed, come on.2:23Okay fellas Well give your granddaddy my best Oh and I stay away from downtown for quite a while You should only be going uptown U2:40If you knew who I was, then you would know what I'm going to do with you if you don't tell me what I need to know.2:44Maybe, but I don't know who you are.2:46Do you know what kind of damage a steel boot can do to prepubescent testicles?2:50How would I know that?2:51Tell me where the target is before I kick you in the nuts.2:55Do you want me to kick you in the nuts?2:57No.2:58Do you want me to kick you in the nuts?3:00No.3:01Do you want me to...3:01Hey, Jack.3:03I do not want you to kick him in the nuts.3:05You have my word.3:06Excuse me, everyone.3:07Can I have your attention?3:09I'm afraid we have to abort the mission to arrest Ed III and his grandfather.3:13What?3:13What about the bomb?3:14Sorry, Jack.3:15Turns out some people are above the law.3:17The Once-lers will not pay for what they did today.3:20You have my word.3:21Good work, everyone.3:22Have a good weekend.3:23and oh, no going rogue.3:26I got the tequila.3:27He's got the salt.3:29I'm going rogue.3:30Huey, you've got to get to Runceler Plaza3:32and try to get as many people out of there before it blows.3:34A second ago, you were going to kick me in the nuts.3:37Huey, please. I'm just doing my job.3:39It's a crappy job, but somebody's got to kick people in the nuts.3:42And sometimes you kick the wrong person in the nuts,3:44and that's tragic.3:45But now we can both make sure it's the right set of nuts that get kicked.3:51Wow.3:51Wow. Go ahead, Steve.3:54These are hard times. Americans need inspiration.3:57People want real life to be like in the movies.4:00With good guys and bad guys and black guys, all that shit.4:03That bad Dan Stucky Jack, he's a cocksucker.4:06A waste of functioning organs.4:08But dead? He would have been a national hero.4:11And all he had to do was die.4:13But why? Don't you have enough money?4:18Man this chicken gonna be off the chain. I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm gonna get some chicken4:26I can't wait. So you kid don't know how lucky you have it. All my life. We only had 11 herbs and spices4:32This is a whole no way no damn way. Hell no. What is it?4:37They talking about they out of chicken4:40Welcome to Colonel's fried chicken unfortunately, we are out of chicken at the moment. Please go wait until we have more chicken4:45Thank you. God bless. They ran out of chicken?4:47Aw, man, this is some old bulls**t.4:50No chicken? You mean I ain't gonna be able to get that bucket?4:53How can they be out of chicken It Colonel Fried Chicken This is outrageous This is an outrage Hello 911 No I ain calling a snitch I got a real emergency Yeah I hope5:05Some of us have been looking forward to this day for a long, long time.5:09Hello? My emergency? These fools done ran out of chicken.5:13Welcome to Colonel's Fried Chicken. Unfortunately-5:18Don't let anyone else in the house, no matter what.5:20Fine, agreed.5:21What about Mommy and Daddy?5:22There's nothing we can do for them. They're goners.5:24Huey's right, they're on their own.5:26They gon' die.5:27I'd like to start off by thanking all of you out there,5:31uh, who have called and written letters about the safety of the first family.5:35You'll be happy to know that Michelle, Sasha, Malia, myself, and Bo are all fine.5:39Don't nobody care about you, man. Tell us everything will be okay for us.5:43Everything is going to be okay. For us.5:46We are currently in our very own super-secret underground bunker,5:49with enough food and water and entertainment to last several lifetimes.5:52But I'm here tonight to talk about you.5:54In times of crisis, Americans pull together.5:58And what's going to get us through this difficult time?6:00Sharing.6:01Sharing?6:02Lending a helping hand to a neighbor in their hour of need.6:04No, f***ing neighbor. What we need is a cure.6:06Unfortunately, there is no cure for the pandemic we now face.6:10But we do have an even more powerful weapon.6:13Compassion for our fellow man.6:14No, f***ing compassion for our fellow man.6:16In conclusion, I want to say that we are all in for some tough times ahead.6:20And when I say we, I mean you.6:23But Michelle, Sasha, Malia, myself and Bo are gonna be right here, rooting for you all the way.6:30Good night, and God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.6:35We all gonna die!6:38Huh?6:40No!6:42I insist, Mr. Freeman! Let us in at once!6:46Let me try.6:47Get the f*** off!6:50Mr. Freeman, we are not leaving until you allow us in!6:54That bitch must have lost her mind. We gotta do something.6:56What should we do?6:58It's in the plan.7:00Hey, old woman! Suck old dick!7:02That's right! Eat old dick, old bitch!7:04Yeah!7:04Faaar back!7:06Whip!7:06Now, Riley, there's no need to be homophobic.7:09Eat it, you pussy punk bitches!7:11The terrorists are using them in the way!7:13Buffalo wings.7:14Aw, man. There was chicken in here all this time.7:17Chicken? No, no, not chicken.7:18Buffalo, you know what I mean?7:19You hear me say buffalo wings?7:21You know what?7:22When I tried one I thought to myself this tastes like chicken but then the fact it was a buffalo I was like no I don want to say that out loud Y going to think I stupid That why I ain getting no chicken I just got the buffalo Get out of here Hold on man what you think Hold on Bo I think I sitting on a plum7:37I'm okay.7:39Oh.7:41Can I get him?7:42Can I get a two-piece and a biscuit?7:44And all the fries you can give me.7:46Oh.7:47In his underwear and woke up in a chicken coop.7:49Nigga, that was Friday.7:50Damn, that was the best Cheerios I ever had in my life.7:56That wasn't no regular Cheerios, was it?7:58No, no, no, that had to be Honey Nut.8:00It had to be Honey Nut.8:04It tastes like Honey Nut, tastes like Cheerio, but...8:06Nuts dipped in honey.8:09Mm-hmm.8:10You're a dick, Dickon!8:15Uh-oh.8:18Whee!8:25Sir, can you tell me why you're driving so slow in the fast lane?8:28Oh, no reason. I guess I just wasn't in that much of a rush.8:31I didn't know you could get a speeding ticket for going too slow, uh, Officer... Douche-ay?8:37That's Officer Douche.8:45Something funny?8:46No, sir, Officer...8:48D-douche.8:50Why were you driving so slow in the fast lane?8:53Oh, just having a pleasant drive on a nice...8:56Summer's Eve. D-douche.9:01Please step out of the car, sir.9:02What's more important, weed or us?9:04Weed!9:07Man, he didn't even think about it.9:09Granddad, you make weed look so uncool.9:12I don't think I'm ever gonna smoke.9:14Yeah, I think I'm gonna go take a stroll around the block.9:18Cause I can't.9:19Want me to get you anything while I'm out, Grandad?9:23Yeah, bring me a brand new belt with a big spike buckle so I can whip your little smart behind.9:27Boom, I'm out of the game.9:28Fortunately, I don't blame myself.9:30I blame all of you.9:31I know many of you ladies are saying,9:33No, Robin, you can't take that good lovin' away from us.9:35Well, it's too late.9:36It's gone forever.9:37And so with no regrets, I hereby commit...9:39Facebook Harry Cari.9:41Phew, don't mess it up.9:43Be calm.9:44Take it slow.9:45Mm-hmm.9:46Hot date tonight, huh, brother?9:47Yeah.9:48It's like everything she say is perfect, but I'm taking it slow.9:50Just getting to know each other.9:52There you go.9:53Good luck, brother.9:57Oh, I'm sorry.9:59All I have?10:00Alright, I'll take that for now.10:02But don't you think a five is a bit much?10:04All you did was turn the water on and hand me a paper towel.10:06I ain't even asked for it.10:07You don't have to ask for that.10:09It comes with the service, nigga.10:11Just like the assortment of gums, mints, lotions, and hair care products.10:15But I didn't use any of that stuff. I just had to pee.10:17And I'm happy to tip, but a five is too much.10:19Too much? For sitting a foot and a half away from piss and s**t10:23and nasty-ass farts from your s**t for six hours straight, nigga?10:26Well, I shouldn't have to go to the ATM machine every time I want to use the f**king bathroom.10:29bathroom we can get your ass away from my commodes you go change your clothes and10:39mobile on why do I always have to cut the grass I can't I stop sneezing10:45Riley's got allergies you just mad cuz you didn't think of it first daddy hurt10:54PUNK.10:55HOT!10:56It was like I was doing it with the same caliber of women as Billy Dee himself!10:59Moms was a BIG Billy Dee fan!11:01And today we were gonna see if I strike back!11:04And at night we had some serious no-hold-barred creaky-dicky-bab-back action!11:07Woo!11:08For real?11:09You have to understand this was in the day before age!11:11Cause there was no consequence whatsoever!11:13That's so funny!11:14Moms used to say the same thing!11:15It was just like BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG11:20I'm Big Tom the business baby11:22keep sending them dumbass niggas to jail big dude11:25they hamass know they shouldn't have did that11:27Anyway the hot water fix in the guest bathroom so you all good11:31The guest can drop a deuce, wash they booger hooks, get fresh, disinfect, no problem11:35You know, I'm talking about popping your collar11:37I ain't come here to steal nothing from you man11:39I just want to find my pops and tell him that I thank him for skeeting that life in the momma's man11:44I ain't relative to what you tell me about loving very much, and I respect him for everything you did, man.11:48Get away from me! You can't be my son. You're too ugly to be my son.11:50Whenever you want to holler at your boy, I'm right here, man, posted like a lamb.11:54I love you, Pops. I ain't never gonna stop loving you.11:57Come on, Pops. You know I ain't no thing. I'm here to help.12:00So you need a person, uh, removed?12:02Yes.12:03You mean, like, removed from the Earth?12:05No, I mean, like, removed from the neighborhood.12:07Oh! So you want him kidnapped?12:09Well, kinda. Not really. Can't you just take him someplace really far away like South America or Africa or something?12:15Well, you realize that if you don't kill him, there's nothing preventing him from coming back to town.12:19Well, if you took him really far away, maybe he won't have enough money to come back. I don't know. I just want him to go away from me.12:24Okay okay okay okay Back up Who are we talking about His name is Lando Oh Lando Man that is cold with that landscaping12:35What's your beef with him?12:36He's a con man pretending to be my son.12:38Oh.12:39Almost virtually, certainly not.12:41He seemed cold to me.12:42You know how some people you just like right off the bat?12:45But yeah, .12:46I say kill him.12:47Kill him?12:48I don't want to kill him.12:49All right, all right, all right.12:50The only other choice might be to get one of them DNA tests12:52to prove you ain't the father.12:54Really?12:54Where do you get one of those tests done?12:56Well, I know one place that'd do it for free.13:00But my knee hurts.13:02Get your ass up!13:03What kind of man doesn't bother to see his kid for 30 years?13:0830 f***ing years!13:09But I didn't know.13:10You know what I want to do?13:12I want to beat the living f*** out of you!13:15Oh, you wouldn't be there a big fella?13:17That will not be easy on you!13:18I f***ing hate you!13:20You make me want to f*** up!13:21Come on, man, you have to go!13:25Before the show, you took a DNA test.13:28And the results of the DNA test are...13:31Robert is...13:34Robert, you are the father.13:38You are the sacrum, Mr. Icon. You are the sacrum.13:41That's the pair that I came from. Look at them number ones that I came from.13:45I came out that tube right there. You're looking, man. Yes!13:48How do you feel now? Deadbeat? Huh?13:50Huh? Wait, I didn't know. I- I-13:52You finally gonna take responsibility?13:54Or you gonna keep making excuses, you pussy punk bitch?13:57Hey, don't call my daddy no pussy punk bitch.13:59Look at him! He is a pussy punk bitch!14:09I hate to say this, Grandad, but you did look like a pussy punk bitch.14:13It was a DNA test.14:14Well, study next time.14:16Oh, this doesn't make you a horrible person.14:18It's all your f***ing fault! You're a horrible f***ing person!14:22Oh, why me? Why did he do this to me?14:26Shut the f*** up, I'm sick of this s***.14:28But I think you should keep that option open. Matter of fact, Lando's outside doing some work on the shrubs. I call him in right now.14:34Just let me know what you wanna do, alright? Lando!14:38What? Lando's here? No, wait!14:40Pops, what's going on?14:42He wanted to talk to you, Lando. He wants to try to, uh, work this out.14:46Work this out.14:47Mm-hmm.14:48Look, man, I'm sorry about what happened on that show.14:50I mean, I ain't know that nigga Steve Wilkos14:52was a dick like that.14:53Mm-hmm.14:54I swear I don't need nothin' from you, man,14:54except a chance to be maybe a small part of your life man Just a small Thank you Rummy man I appreciate you giving of yourself to help sort this thing out You know sweat partner you know I in your counter15:05So what's it gonna be, Robert?15:07Option one or option two?15:08Option one. Option one.15:10Option one it is.15:11No, no, no, no, no. I said option one.15:13Okay, but which one was option one?15:15What's option one?15:16Getting to know each other.15:17Yeah, you sure that was option one?15:19Yes, let's spend some time together as a family.15:21Yeah, boy.15:23That's what I'm talking about.15:24That's what always...15:25Man, look, man, I swear, man, once you get to know a nigga, you'll find I ain't even that f***ed up.15:29Did you show Robert?15:30Yes, I'm sure!15:31I'm sure, too.15:33Okay, then I done done my part.15:35I just hope you boys take this as a lesson that life can really suck sometimes.15:38And you should always wear a condom.15:40I got a condom on right now.15:43What up, roomies?15:44Yeah, this my half of the room.15:46And that, that's Huey's half of the room.15:48Well, what my half of that?15:50Your half is right there.15:51And just cause you technically our uncle15:55You ain't ahead of me nigga15:57As of right now, you the youngest brother15:59Got that? I'm number two16:01You number three, got it?16:03Two nigga, three nigga16:04Say man, I promise man16:07I'm gonna respect your space16:09And I really, really appreciate16:10You know, just being here, part of the fam16:13I've been part of this family my whole life16:15It's an overrated experience16:17All I could do was lick the ladies feet after they was finished stepping on the grapes and the bitches was just loving it, I was just-16:24Look, I can't concentrate with your thing flapping around like that. Go put some clothes on.16:28I'm not hungry no more.16:30Yeah, I'm done.16:31Hell, come on, man. Why y'all tripping?16:33Morning wood ain't nothing to be ashamed of.16:35That's how you know you alive, man.16:37I'm the varsity, nigga.16:38Nigga.16:39Young Barkley!16:42Pump.16:44Hey, that's a foul.16:46Man, that ain't no foul, nigga.16:47That's playoff basketball.16:49Yeah, basketball, not football, bitch.16:51Give me the ball.16:54Man, just because you the two nigga don't mean you can treat me any kind of way, nigga.16:58Huey, you gonna let him do me like this?17:00He's family. I'm staying out of him.17:03And no more drinking. Not at home.17:05You're setting a bad example for the boys.17:07Why don't you understand me for a change?17:08Why can't you accept me for who the f*** I am?17:10You can't control my life. I hate you.17:13I never want to see you again.17:14I wish I was never your son.17:17I'm sorry, pops.17:21I ain't even mean that, man.17:22It's just my anger got the best of me.17:24And I do whatever you say man from here on out man I need that You know I need that discipline that tough love You know don don spare the ride on me matter of fact man I going upstairs and get ready for my ass whooping right now17:51You all right, yeah, ooh, man. That's over. I really darts the bullet there. It wasn't a bad guy though17:57I hope he does fan his real daddy17:59Me. I wish I could be related to Billy Dee Williams. He way cooler than you, Grandad. Guess that's why he get all the bitches first.18:10Boys, it's a great day for yard work.18:13Hold on, I just got out of the shower. There's some juice on the table.18:17Mm-hmm. Take your time.18:20You want to explain to me what you're doing here?18:23I came looking for booty.18:25You came looking for sex with an underage boy?18:29Oh no, I ain't come looking for no little bars. I ain't got no milk, no cookies, nothing.18:34I came looking for man's butt.18:37A man's butt? Excuse me?18:39Oh, I know who you are, Chris Hanson. But see, I calls you Chris Hanson.18:43I watch your TV show all the time.18:45So you can go ahead and bring in them cameras and them police is waiting outside.18:49It don't make me no difference.18:51Now, I tell you what. I like you and I want you.18:55Now, we can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way.18:59The choice is yours.19:00Well, I don't think you and I will be doing anything any kind of way.19:04Okay, I see you choosing the hard way.19:06Okay, Cot, this isn't working.19:08Someone get this guy.19:10You won't let me burn that button, Chris.19:12No, please.19:13I'm a warrior.19:18Hey, hey, hey, nigga.19:19You got a nice little ass, nigga.19:21Give me your ass, nigga.19:21Nigga, you see me looking at you, nigga.19:23Give me your ass, nigga.19:24No, stay away.19:25Hey, Brown.19:26Brown again.19:27Let me holler.19:29Yes.19:29Oh, you know about that? Tell me what you know about that! Tell me what you think about that!19:34The prison industrial complex is a system situated at the intersection of government and private interests.19:39It uses prisons as a solution to social, political, and economic problems.19:43It includes human rights violations, the death penalty, slave labor, policing, courts, the media, political prisoners, and the elimination of dissent.19:52Pshhhh.19:53Nigger, did you just say what I was trying to say, but smarter?19:57I like this little nigga,20:00But you left one thing out, little nigga.20:01Show of hands, how many people ever raped a man?20:04Pause.20:05Uh-huh.20:06How many people ever been raped by a man?20:08Pause again.20:09All of us, 100%.20:11You can't get no higher than that nook.20:13You step in here, you get raped.20:16Show him my stuff.20:17Give that man everything I got.20:19Pause.20:20Pause?20:21Pause what?20:21You said something gay, so you gotta say no homo, or else you a homo.20:25But what did I say gay?20:26You said you was gonna give this dude everything you got, no homo.20:29That's not gay.20:30I said I was gonna give the man everything I got.20:31Pause, Granddad.20:32If you sound gay, it's gay.20:34And you gotta say no homo.20:35How I know you're not a homo, Granddad, if you don't say no homo?20:38I'm not saying no homo.20:39Okay, you wanna be a homo.20:41Stop calling your granddaddy a homo.20:42Then say no homo.20:43I don't wanna say no homo.20:44I'm a homo your ass, you don't stop saying pause.20:50Thank you for saying no homo, Granddad.20:53That really meant a lot to me.20:56No homo.21:04Pause again, granddad.21:09Pause again, granddad.21:18Right up the brown eye, baby.21:21I raped a few niggas myself.21:22I ain't really enjoyed it.21:23Not that much.21:25It felt good to the m**** though.21:27I ain't let that n**** kiss me or nothing.21:28But I did tear that ass out, nigga. I ain't gonna lie about it.21:32But that's what the man's oppressive system did to me.21:35Jesus, boy, look at you.21:36All you do is lay around here and watch TV and eat my food and breathe my air.21:40Just as lazy as you can be. Go out and do something.21:42What am I supposed to do? I ain't got no money.21:44Well, try getting up off your ass and cleaning up my living room.21:47You lucky President Obama is not here to see this.21:50You're lazy. You need a hobby or something.21:51Give me an allowance and I'll find a good hobby.21:54Allowance? I allow you to live here. I allow you to eat my food.21:58I allow you to burn up my electricity.21:59I mean a money allowance.22:01Well, how about this?22:02Trash is starting to stick, and guess what?22:04You allowed to take it out.22:07I was a loser.22:08I might as well have been dead.22:10Hey, Mr. Freeman, would you like to buy some candy22:11to help keep kids away from gangs and guns?22:13Heck no.22:14I'm a fan of gangs and guns.22:16I got some gangs and guns inside right now.22:18You want some?22:19Mr. Freeman.22:20I love some candy.22:22I'll take a whole box.22:23Granddad.22:24Shut the hell up.22:24Mind your business That the worst idea you ever had in your entire life You just mad you didn think of it You wanna start a fuck right I seen all of them That how I know what to do Okay How22:35many of them have a happy ending? Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Okay but see that's how I know it's22:39gonna work right? Because I seen all the mistakes they made and I'm not gonna make them same mistakes.22:43See I'm gonna do everything the smart way. Riley I'm gonna tell you everything that's about to22:48happen if you do this and how bad this is gonna end. First of all. Stop right there. Every time I22:54wanna do something, you tell me what's gonna happen22:56first. And then that's what happens. And you22:58always ruin the endings and stuff, man.23:00I'm sick of it. I wanna be surprised this time.23:02So no matter how bad it is, you23:04don't wanna hear it? Nope. Cause it's really bad.23:06Ay, spoiler alert, nigga.23:08Didn't you hear me? Keep it to yourself.23:15That's still kinda23:16spoilt it, though. I like it.23:18Sounds like, you know, some of that positive23:20bullshit that people eat up. Since I came23:22up with the idea, Jasmine and Phil23:24had to provide the startup money for the business.23:26This is your team.23:27Oh, I don't know, some skinny, big-headed bitch.23:30Word? Come on.23:31She wasn't like Jasmine or Phil.23:33Cindy was a geek.23:34What do you think you're doing here?23:36You talking to me?23:37Yeah, I'm talking to you. Open your bag.23:39Well, I just wanted to say I'm proud of you.23:41Thanks, Grandad.23:43You want to buy some candy?23:44Hell no, you must be out of your damn mind.23:45Now get that out of here.23:49Pussy.23:51For me?23:52Oh, I can't believe it.23:54Thank you, boy. Oh, you're the best grandson ever.23:57Way better than the other one.24:00Oh, me burpy knackers!24:03You always gotta spoil something, huh?24:05I'm upset.24:07When Liverpool beats Arsenal, I'm upset.24:10But when some little shit decides to take over one of the most profitable territories in the country,24:14I'm beyond fucking upset.24:16I'm very fucking upset.24:19So, from now on, you're under new management.24:22You will work for me.24:24And in return, you'll receive an allowance.24:26Allowance?24:27Yes, allowance.24:29As in, I'm allowing you to keep 10%.24:31And I'm allowing you to keep drawing breath on this earth.24:35Now, you either get down or you lay down.24:38What's it gonna be, sunshine?24:40Now, me, I'm more of a romantic type.24:42I'll still rape you, but I'll definitely stroke your head lovingly while I do it.24:46See, because I want you to like it.24:48Now, you don't have to like it, but I'll...24:50Sorry I was distracted by that fine m right there What your name fine m I uh don think that um Tom Okay now let talk about Tom Tom is the type of nigga that gives us wet dreams up in here25:06Medium brown soft features taller than in shape, but still soft and squishy25:11This wasn't no movie the smart thing was to say yes get up and leave the room25:18But then I thought to myself what if this was a movie?25:22Look, fuck you, fuck the plane you flew in on25:26Fuck them shoes, fuck those socks with the bell on it25:29Fuck your gay ass fairy faggot accent25:31Fuck them cheap ass cigars25:33Fuck your yuck mouth teeth25:34Fuck your hairpiece, fuck your chocolate25:37Fuck Guy Ritchie, fuck Prince William25:39Fuck the queen, this is America25:41My president is black and my Lambo is blue, nigga25:44Now get the fuck out of my hotel room25:46And if I see you in the street, I'm slapping the shit out of you25:49Now, I like to put the jelly inside my ass.25:52Then, put some of this peanut butter on top of it.25:54I call it a peanut butter jelly and a***** sandwich.25:58But time here will be calling it lunch!26:03I think this one spent too much time in the cinema.26:05Teach this cheeky bastard a lesson.26:08A casting call for the Sopranos reunion?26:11Do me a favor, tell room service nobody here ordered the extra large WAP with a side order of WAPS!26:17Dude, fuck boss!26:19Jesus Christ, I thought he'd never shut up.26:21So, you guys are probably wondering why we just kicked in the door and shot your boss here in the face.26:26Well, to be honest, it's tough times out there.26:29Nobody's spending on nothing.26:30No drugs, no whores, no gambling, nothing.26:33Except, apparently, chocolate bars.26:35So, consider this a hostile takeover.26:37We got a problem?26:38No, absolutely not.26:39No.26:40Okay, have a nice day.26:42Now get the fuck out of here.26:43You know what the system does when you come to prison?26:45They strip you. They strip you mentally, emotionally, and they strip you naked, butt-ass naked.26:51The f*** is you looking at, nigga? Punch you right in your m***h temper, nigga?26:54Give me your m***h clothes.26:56You're supposed to be scared of the kids.26:59I said give me your m***h clothes. Stop with your shoes, nigga. Hurry up.27:02You need some help?27:03I got it.27:05Now you see this, kids.27:07You really, really don't want this to happen to you, okay?27:11And your shirt, too, nigga. Hurry up.27:13Take it off.27:13Okay kids, y'all m****** looking, huh?27:15Tom just got his m****** manhood tested, and he failed.27:19He should've knocked my m****** head off!27:21And you know what that means, don't you?27:23Tom, you get raped!27:24OI let be honest Let me know Metal English Let me know We have a scene out of here Let get out of here Let get out of here Let get out of here Let get out of here This is really bad27:36You are, well, she might not be good!27:38We've made you up! What are you doing here?27:40So why can't I...27:41This is your thing!27:42When you go to prison, the most important thing in your life is going to be booty.27:47Yeah, I better listen to him.27:48A man's butt.27:49Booty, getting some booty, is more important than eating food.27:53It's more important than drinking water.27:54water if I see a man I like I tell him like this here I like you and I want you28:00now we can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way the choice is28:05yours what's it gonna be I asked you a question Tom I don't answer I didn't28:14hear you Tom I said I don't want to answer I don't want to I don't want to28:19I don't do this anymore.28:20Sound like to me you wanted the hard way.28:22You're cool!28:25Calm down!28:26Calm down!28:28Now we're taking over to prison, so back up!28:34You got out of my body!28:36Said you do bad things.28:38What kind of bad things do you do?28:39I don't listen to my grandmother, and I hurt people, and I smoke with cigarettes.28:44You smoke with cigarettes?28:46Do I smoke with cigarettes?28:48Meeeex, I be smoking a cigarette all the time.28:52You understand me?28:53I understand. I understand, I promise.28:56Good. Now I want you to sit there and think about how stupid you are.29:00I'm going to sleep.29:06That ain't hurt.29:08And I came into the kitchen, and I saw my kidneys were gone.29:12And I thought, oh, s***.29:15I can't believe Granddad wouldn't let me do no interviews.29:18LaMilton blowing up over this! I bet-29:20LaMilton, where are you going?29:22I went and drove to pick up my friend, and he smokes with cigarettes.29:26I be safe. I'ma do what I wanna do, whenever, whatever. What?29:30Shut the hell up before I come down there and beat you till you pee on yourself again!29:33I do what I wanna do.29:35And lead a normal life. You know, get a job and a wife. And change my ways.29:40And I hope this apology impresses you, even though my grandmother made me do it and I don't really mean it.29:44You mean you do mean it?29:46I mean, I do mean it. I don't think he means it.30:00His grandmother wants the public to give LeMilton another chance.30:04Hey boy, listen up!30:05You know what, Granddad?30:07I've been hanging out with LeMilton even though you told me not to,30:09and I don't think I'm gonna do that no more.30:11I just need to go up to my room where I belong.30:13No TV, no dinner, no nothing.30:16I might even need to whoop myself.30:18Good night, y'all.30:21Well, you better not break my belt!30:30AHHHHHH!30:31AHHHHHH!30:36And save us!30:37Well, I wouldn't hold your breath.30:39Yeah, I got a guy on the phone that says he's at Horton Prison.30:42I-I don't know, I'll ask.30:43Uh, sir, have they raped you yet?30:45Have they rape-30:46NO!30:47What kind of a f***ed up question is that?!30:51Hello?30:52Hello.30:53You have a collect call from a correctional facility from-31:00No!31:01Do you accept the call?31:03Yes, yes!31:04Honey!31:05Oh, Tom, what's wrong?31:06What do we do now?31:07Ask him, it was his idea.31:08Thought y'all had some kind of escape plan worked out or something.31:10Well, no escape plan.31:11A booty is more important than escape.31:14So I said to myself when I seen that shank, this is an opportunity for me to get some booty.31:18Thought you had demands.31:19Oh, I had demands.31:20I had demands to get some booty.31:21I thought this was supposed to be some Attica type b****.31:24Now how y'all think that make me feel?31:25Y'all let the booty get away.31:27Now I got to go hunt down the booty.31:29Damn!31:30Toam-31:32So, but-31:33Whoa...31:34Well, I have to make it right!31:36I love you, sweetie!31:38Tom! No!31:39Please don't be brave!31:40Bravery isn't your thing!31:41I love you, sweetie!31:43If I don't come back, tell Jasmine the Titan!31:49AHHHHHHH!31:51Oh god!31:52For a period not to exceed ninety minutes time-31:55Well, wait a damn minute!31:56Who the f*** is this Executive Riot Committee!31:59Us!32:00Oh, yeah, right.32:01Man, now y'all bein' too picky, man. A bitch is a bitch.32:03Man, what do you mean?32:04Man, look, look, why can't y'all just shut the f*** up and be happy with whatever bitch we get up in here?32:09I guess you never heard the phrase, yes we can!32:11It's my God-given right as an inmate to have a white bitch.32:15That's not a God-given right for an inmate. Or anyone else, really.32:18Oh well I may not have a God right to white bitches but I do have a God right to ask for white bitches Yeah I guess White bitches do Yeah yeah Hey he right Motion to add white bitches to the official list of the man everyone in favor i telling you they getting bitches in here as soon as they get the bitches in here i stop tapping your back32:42okay so the list so far is bitches white bitches asian bitches brazilian32:47bitches east indian bitches west indian bitches puerto rican32:55My boots, mine, belongs to me.33:01Ahhhh!33:02I screamed.33:05Tom, come out to play.33:12So you want to do it the hard way, huh?33:14I got it for you, huh?33:17Don't drop the sun, Tom.33:23I want that booty, Tom.33:24You can't have my booty!33:26Oh yeah, I can!33:27The booty is mine, it belongs to me!33:29You cannot take my booty!33:31The booty is mine, it belongs to me!33:33You cannot take my booty!33:35AHHHHHHHHH!33:37I mean I wake up in the morning and I think33:39I could have been the president.33:41I wish things had been different.33:45I mean I'd do anything in the world33:49just for things to be different.33:51I guess I'm just gonna be raping niggas asses for the rest of my life.34:00Yeah, are you okay?34:02Yes.34:03I'm okay.34:04For the first time in a long time, I'm okay.34:07Of course you okay.34:09You rich.34:10I can't believe this is supposed to scare me.34:13A prison full of bitch ass niggas.34:15The Con Fix is bitch ass niggas.34:17All they did was vote.34:18The COs was bitch ass niggas.34:20cause they just fell over.34:21And Tom, you's a bitch-ass nigga too.34:23Cause all you did was run.34:24They would know what to do with a real nigga like me up in here.34:27Lucky for them, I'm a little kid,34:29so they can't put me in a real jail.34:31They gotta put me in a jail for, like, real nigga little kid.34:35That's not possible.34:38Unfortunate.34:38The freedom to surf the internet for pornography of your choice.34:43Not the point.34:43This team is pathetic.34:46They don't stand a chance against the Chinese.34:48Not one single goddamn shot in hell.34:51It be an embarrassment they never ever live down for the rest of their miserable lives until they die You know what one of these balls can do to a human body They get torn to pieces ripped to shreds Some may even lose control35:05of their bowels. By the third inning,35:07they'll be pissing and shitting on themselves35:09right in front of their friends and loved ones.35:12It's gonna be flat out35:13fucking terrible. We must35:15find some better athletes.35:17This is what you got.35:19These two titans of the game face off35:21against one another. Let's go35:23Show him what's good to act!35:25You really look absolutely determined out there!35:29Oh no!35:30Hello!35:31Hello!35:32And goodbye!35:33And that one is outta here!35:35Not a good start for Premis!35:37You suck, QA!35:38You worthless motherfucker!35:40Well, we're Americans!35:41We don't quit just because we're wrong!35:43We just keep doing the wrong thing until it turns out right!35:46Tragically, we've just received word that the ref strangled himself,35:50jump off a bread and overdosed on amphetamines35:55Send my condolences to his family36:14Hey, dog, first off I wanna say that I'm a huge fan of Thunniffcin36:18I grew up listening to Thug Nifson.36:20Matter of fact, I'd even go ahead as far to say that I love this nigga, no homo.36:24He was one of the real niggas that made me want to do this shit.36:26Fuck this old ass nigga, man.36:29This old nigga is old enough to be my dad.36:32And he tell me to eat a dick?36:34Nigga, what's wrong with you?36:35You a grown ass man and you tell him to 15 euros to eat a dick?36:39I know your mother raised you better than that, dawg.36:41Matter of fact, excuse me, is this Miss Jenkins?36:46Yes, it is.36:47My name is Sajun Gutter.36:48Now, I don't know if you aware, but your son said some very rude things about me on the radio.36:52Yes, I know.36:53He said some very rude things.36:55He's too old to be acting like that, and I know I don't like to use that language either.36:59You know, I wasn't talking about.37:01That was your mama, nigga.37:02Your mama.37:03Grow your old ass up, nigga.37:05I hope you go broke, you feel me?37:06I hope that the IRS is on their way over right now to take your shit, nigga.37:10It's all night, bro.37:12Just make sure it got a little complexer.37:14Better for the great fire, serving in the smoky section.37:17I'll show you how to cook that, show you how to bake crack, show you how to hit that block to make trap.37:25Yo, is that what I think it is?37:27What's wrong? You ain't never seen no yayo, nigga?37:29Yes, I'm just trying to figure out what this is.37:31That's real cocaine, nigga.37:32Hmm, where'd you get it?37:34Nigga, don't worry about where I got it. I got my connects.37:38Ed the Third.37:38Dumb shit, though, man, because Steve's a little crazy.37:40No, he better not be trying no dumb shit, because I'm a little crazy.37:44My heart was beating off fast.37:46It turns out that you're going to give me money for a record deal.37:48I want my money.37:49I got this whole new sound I've been working on, too.37:51I really want you to hear it. It's crazy.37:52This is gonna make everything in your life better, and nothing anyone can do is gonna stop it. Nothing!37:57I want my motherfucking money!37:59Ed, what are you doing? Who cares about drugs? Steve, I'm really sorry, man.38:03Why is this a joke?38:05Do you know who I am?38:06Do you know who I am, motherfuckers?38:08I'm Ed Watson! I bought the drugs all the way over here, I did what I was supposed to do,38:11I fulfilled my motherfucking end of the bargain, and I want my goddamn money!38:16Hold on, that's so fast, you fat motherfucker!38:22You like the new job?38:24Aw man, that's some old bullshit.38:25But check it, check it, check it.38:26Your boy is shooting his own y'alli show.38:28Whaaat?38:29Yeah, nigga!38:30First was the controversial Reverend Jeremiah Wright.38:34I say motherfuck America!38:36Motherfuck America's mother!38:38Motherfuck America's daddy!38:40America can eat a dick!38:41America can lick the bones!38:43When that failed,38:44I'm retired.38:46So then, now that it looks like Obama is going to win,38:50As a black African-American Negro, are you merely excited?38:54Or are you extremely excited that everything is going to change forever?39:00Eh.39:02I felt my sphincter clinch and my scrotum contract in shock at his response.39:09I swear to-39:09So, if the election is fake, then what's really going on?39:13The end of America.39:14I felt despair so terrible, I briefly consider slitting my own wrists or bludgeoning myself39:21about the head with a steel pipe or baseball bat.39:23But I brought no blade, no pipe, no bat.39:28Describe Riley Freeman in one word.39:31Mmm, I say, real nigger.39:34Real nigger is two words.39:35I know it's two words, nigger.39:37Real niggers don't follow instructions.39:38If my nigger Obama gets up in there, I'm gonna act a fool.39:42I ain't doing no more homework, nothing.39:44We taking over.39:45Come on, what's the cop gonna do to me?39:47I'm gonna be like, don't make me call the president, bitch.39:49And the cops, he gonna be like, oh, snap.39:52Riley a real nigga.39:53The president's a real nigga.39:55We can't do nothing.39:56Ow.39:58I can't wait.40:00Hope is irrational.40:03In Bavaria we have a saying,40:05Der Junge ist ja total bedient.40:08It means, this is the most depressing fucking kid I've ever met in my life.40:14So, you know who Obama is now?40:17Oh no, I knew who the nigga was, I was just joking!40:19You were not joking, you jumped on the Obama celebrity bandwagon40:23because it will give you much needed exposure.40:26Nah, see, it ain't got nothing to do with that, you know what I'm saying?40:28I started looking into his political positions and his policies and views and whatnot.40:32What policies?40:33Well, you know, I heard the nigga speak, right?40:35And he was talking about changing some shit, or hoping for some shit.40:37And I thought, yeah, I mean, you know, all niggas asking for is hope.40:40You can sit on your ass all day and hope.40:42If you're too lazy to hope, you's a lazy motherfucker, that's all I know.40:45I'm voting for Obama because he's gonna lower my taxes.40:48Actually, he has promised to raise taxes at your income level.40:52Huh?40:53And he's just really, really fit to lead.40:56And also body fit, too.40:58Well, I also support Obama because he's against corporate bailouts.41:02That is also not true.41:03Huh?41:04I'm supporting Obama because...41:06he black.41:08And he's gonna get the troops out of Afghanistan, right?41:11Also wrong.41:12Then what the fuck that nigga gonna do?41:14I mean, we all need to, you know, do some shit sometimes, you know what I'm saying?41:17Some shit needs to get done.41:19And until we do that shit, shit ain't gonna change.41:21So I thought to myself, let's do this shit.41:24And that's when Will.i.am called me about doing this damn song.41:27Yo yo yo yo, I heard the presidential limo's gonna be like a crazy pimped out Cadillac now, with rims and like machine guns and lasers.41:35From now on, I'm calling all my niggas Obamas, and all my bitches I'm calling Michelles.41:39I mean think about it if you was a bitch right would you rather be called a bitch or Michelle And what about bitches named Michelle Man you make a joke I trying to uplift my Obama Aren you excited little man41:51Eh.41:52Eh? What's and supposed to mean?41:55Just means eh.41:56Yo, what the deal man? What's going on here?41:58Yo, what's up man?41:59I asked him if he was excited about Obama and he said eh.42:01Eh? He said eh?42:03Yeah, what's wrong with you? You're not excited?42:04Not excited?42:05Who ain't excited?42:06This little nigga right here.42:07Why ain't he excited?42:08You're like Obama. You want McCain to win.42:10I never said that.42:11Why ain't you like Barack Obama? He got a lovely family.42:13Not according to this little nigga. He got a problem with a black president.42:16Boy, what's going on? What did I tell you about talking to anybody about anything?42:19I didn't say anything.42:20How do you feel being teamed up with your arch enemy?42:23First of all, we're not a team. Second of all, we're not a team.42:27I've got gas money, he's got the license.42:29You saved a man's life. They don't win until you give up.42:33They don't win until you stop fighting.42:35You can't fight the future. Don't waste your life trying.42:40Boy!42:41You're okay. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you.42:45Back off!42:46Everyone stay back or he dies!42:48HELP!42:49Somebody shoot this motherfucker!42:51You can't do this to me!42:52Let me go. You know who I am?42:54Hey, Daddy!42:55What are you waiting for?42:56Shoot him!42:57Hey, Daddy!43:05Man, we might have to think about moving.43:11This neighborhood ain't what it used to be.43:13Oh, man, we saw you on the news with all the Marines pointing guns at you.43:18And you was looking hard, too.43:19You was like, what?43:21What?43:21Man, Huey, you were really right this time.43:23You said it was going to happen, and it happened.43:25Imagine all the problems we could avoid if we ever started listening to you.43:28Oh, well.