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0:00It might be easy if you take a deep breath,0:03lift from the knees, and shove it up your butt.0:06What?0:07I came up with a new thing this summer.0:09I act like I'm telling someone how to do something.0:12I go on with a long description, and then I say,0:15and shove it up your butt.0:19It's stupid, but it's my thing now.0:26I drink like 100 iced macchiatos a day0:28a day and practically nothing else.0:30Wow.0:31There's a really cool coffee place, Jitters,0:33at the Steamtown Mall.0:34You ever been there?0:36No.0:37You've never been to Jitters?0:38Ryan, you are so dorky.0:40Give me your number so I can text you.0:43Um...0:46Come on.0:48Can I have an email address?0:50...but I just thought you should know.0:52I think something a little fishy is going on.0:54A little fishy?0:56Yeah, I mean, I've been noticing him all day. I'm just thinking about you.1:00That little girl is a child. I don't want to see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon.1:05Do you understand? Boy, have you lost your mind, cause I'll help you find it.1:09What you looking for? Ain't nobody gonna help you out there.1:11Jesus can come through that door and he's not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child.1:15Okay. Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.1:21Attention Scranton Business Park. There will be complimentary pretzels available in the lobby from now until 4 o'clock. As a thank you to our loyal tenants.1:31So how are we going to energize our office? I mean, I haven't done anything since Christmas. Pam clearly has just given up trying.1:41So what we need to do is we need to get things going. We need to get percolating a little bit. Anybody have any ideas what we could do? Any suggestions? Yes, Andy.1:50What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message1:54so it just had a little more zing and a little more pep?1:58Zing and pep.1:59See, those are the kind of words we're looking for.2:01Yes, Jim.2:02What about if we did an even newer voicemail message2:04that had even more zing and pep?2:07Now we're cooking.2:08I like this.2:09Maybe a whole theme, like a rap rhyme.2:11An urban thing.2:12An urban.2:12Yeah, Stanley, you want to help us out with that?2:15Stanley, Eartha Stanley.2:17Not me.2:17Yes, you.2:18Come on, Stanley.2:19put your little game down and join the group.2:22No.2:23Stanley we having a little brainstorm session Did I stutter2:35Good. This is good. I'm going to grab a glass of water.2:43Stan Lee, you do puzzles all day. What do we got?2:46Well, you take the first letter from each name,2:49assign it a number, add them all up,2:51and shove it up your butt!2:55I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small,2:58drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive,3:00and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little.3:04But on Pretzel Day...3:07Well, I like Pretzel Day.3:09Because they're acting all tough and everything?3:11What they were rapping about was cupcakes in the Chronicles of Narnia.3:15God, who invented cupcakes, right? I want to kill them.3:18Hey, hey, hey, Phyllis! What are you doing?3:20I'm just saying hi to Bob.3:22No, I think you're cutting in line.3:23Well, settle down, Scott.3:24No, I'm not gonna settle down.3:25Uh-uh. No way. Uh-uh.3:26Get in the back, please.3:27Boo!3:28Boo!3:29Back in line.3:34That's right.3:35Look at a pair of Marys.3:37This is pretzel day.3:38This is pretzel day.3:52What's Scott's tarts?3:59Has it really been ten years?4:02A local businessman pledges college tuition to third graders.4:08Yes, I have a dream, and it's not some MLK dream for equality.4:16I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse, and I want to live at the top, and nobody knows I live there.4:25And there's a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.4:38Oh, oh, what is this?4:45A meatball? Really?4:49It's always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience.4:53That was usually Pam So now that she out I had to find someone else Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan But not everything makes him laugh5:06He has very specific tastes.5:12Through a painstaking process of trial and error,5:14I found out what he likes.5:17And it's really weird.5:19Jim, come on. So juvenile.5:23What the?5:24You've been meatballed.5:26Are you ready for some meatball?5:30Oh, man.5:31This is not very clever, Jim.5:34I know.5:35Look for your stapler.5:41Really, Jim? Really?5:45Very funny.5:47Okay, good night.5:53What's the haul?6:0432 meatballs.6:05Good day.6:07That idiot's been feeding us for a week.6:09We'll never have to buy meatballs again.6:14Okay, well, come on.6:15Let's have an auction.6:16Let's do this.6:16We'll auction off people like in the olden days.6:20Hey, do you mind if I take the lead on this one6:23and then you can critique me after you want to leave yeah if you don't mind mind nothing would6:29delight me more stanley hutz julius how's it going great great great great great it's so good to see6:39you too i'd like you fellas to meet ryan howard hi yeah i'm gonna let ryan do a little pitch for6:46you while I do my crossword puzzle Ryan6:57hi hi hi hello Ryan hi what do you have for us oh7:07And you just said, hi, hi, hi.7:13You sounded like my niece, and she's six months old.7:22Stanley!7:26What You gotta be kidding me I know how to save the company everyone Just write a petition get everyone signature including our clients7:37march down to Florida, and shove it up your butt!7:43It's not that funny.7:45Hey, Jim. Stanley's back from the hospital today. Can you sign his card?7:49Oh, great.7:51Glad they didn't mix up your tonsillectomy7:53with a mustache-ectomy.7:55Oh, that's not good.7:57Well, because your jokes are all hilarious.8:00It's nice. It's funny.8:01It mentions his tonsillectomy and makes a funny little joke8:03about his mustache.8:04Stanley doesn't have a mustache.8:06Yeah, he does.8:09Pam, hit the brakes.8:10Stanley does not have a mustache.8:13I misspoke.8:15I'm not sure.8:16I think he has one.8:17Now that I think he has a mustache.8:19Okay, Phyllis sits across from him every day.8:21Phyllis, does he have a mustache or not?8:23Oh, I don't know.8:24Um, now I think he doesn't.8:26Phyllis, what are you talking about?8:28The whole card depends on this.8:29Okay, the man has worked here for 25 years.8:31How can none of us picture his face?8:33Because we come here to do our jobs.8:35We don't stick our noses in other people's business.8:37Okay, which one of these looks more right?8:40Neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed8:42or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity.8:45That said, the one on the left.8:47Guys, that's the elevator.8:49What if it's him?8:50Okay, quick. Who says mustache?8:54Yep.8:55Who says no mustache?9:04Ah!9:05Yay!9:07He does have one. Yes.9:09Boop, boop, beep, pop.9:10Welcome back, Stanley.9:12It's like I used to tell my wife.9:15I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong.9:18And if you don't like it, you can leave.9:20And I say the same thing to my current wife,9:22and I'll say it to my next one, too.9:25Stanley, one way or another,9:28you are gonna come with me to make this sale.9:30Pass.9:31Hey, can you just let me out of here9:33before whatever comes next?9:34Don't worry, it's just a bull tranquilizer.9:36Nothing to be alarmed about.9:37It's just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at a co-worker.9:40Dwight, you do not learn, do you?9:43for a threat to be credible.9:45Holy s***.9:47No, you didn't.9:49I'm sick of you and your...9:51It's all right, Andy.10:00He approved it.10:01I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation10:03for this cake today.10:05If I don't have some cake soon, I might die.10:08Why don't you just have an apple?10:09Why don't you mind your business?10:11What about this one?10:12It's kind of badass, right?10:15Just seems kind of crazy in a way I might need right now.10:18I don't know.10:19Oh, that's not yours.10:23Stanley just drank O.J. out of my mug10:26and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee.10:29So the question has to be asked,10:32is there no limit to what he won't notice?10:35What's a seven letter word for purse?10:39Satchel.10:40No, starts with an H.10:42Handbag.10:59All right, everybody, take a seat.11:01As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter11:04is up 8,000% in sales!11:07Whoo!11:09Hold up. That clock is slow.11:13It is 5 o'clock. I will see you all tomorrow.11:17Bye, Stanley. Love you.