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0:00Professor Jones told the symposium he had a new method for calculating the mass of a muon.0:07Five times the limit of e to the oops-alon as in a...0:14Okay, no, no, no. I'll start over.0:18Professor Jo...0:23I haven't seen him laugh that hard since the day Leonard made that multiplication error.0:27Oh, oh, Lord! That multiplication error!0:30He thought he carried the one, but he didn't!0:35It's not funny. That mistake got published.0:37Stop! I'm gonna wet myself!0:44Looking out at your fresh young faces,0:46I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future0:50as a lowly graduate student.0:53Of course, I was 14.0:54and how I already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to, despite my 9 o'clock bedtime.0:59Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical1:07physics, although it's more likely that you will spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders1:11how to make papier-mâché volcanoes of baking soda lava.1:16Oh, good God.1:18In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make any significant contribution1:23to physics played a cruel trick on you.1:25A cruel trick indeed.1:29Any questions?1:34Of course not.1:36Hello, fastest man alive.1:39Want to see me read your entire comic book?1:43Want to see it again?1:53Something's wrong.2:08What do you mean?2:09I'm not sure.2:20It doesn't feel right.2:23I don know what you talking about Oh that Penny did that2:37I've got it!2:38I finally reconciled the black hole information paradox2:41with my theory of string network condensates.2:44It's unbelievable! It's paradigm-altering!2:47And I could not have done it without you.2:48Oh, please. I just offered a little encouragement.2:51Oh, there's a lot more than that.2:52You helped me work out the masses of all the fermions,2:55and you pumiced my hammer toe.2:58How can I ever repay you?3:00Well, would you consider naming it3:01the Cooper-Newitzki theorem?3:03Who's Nowitzki?3:07I'm Nowitzki.3:08Oh, you want me to share credit?3:10Uh-huh.3:12Get out.3:15And the purpose of this drill is to acclimate us3:18to the use of tools in extreme temperatures3:20such as we will face in the Arctic Circle.3:23Where are your tools?3:24Right here.3:27All right, team, open up your practice kits.3:30As the university did not permit me3:32to bring the actual equipment3:33we'll be using to the Cheesecake Factory,3:35because apparently I'm ridiculous,3:38I provided substitutes3:40which will exercise your fine motor skills.3:42Leonard, you will be doing a series3:44of complex mathematical problems3:46on a vintage Casio Model 1175 calculator watch3:50I received when I won the Earth Science Medal3:52in third grade.3:54Treat it with respect.3:57Raj,3:58you will be painting4:00sideburns and a Van Dyke4:01on a six-inch figurine of Legolas the Elk.4:05Now remember,4:06a Van Dyke is a goatee without4:08a mustache.4:10Follow us. You will be4:12completing a series of delicate surgical4:14procedures on the classic children's game4:16Operation.4:20To begin with, you will remove funny bone for $200.4:28For this, I went to MIT.4:31And begin.4:33Penny. Penny.4:36Sheldon, come in.4:38I'd like to make a sandwich, but I'm out of bread.4:43There's some in the fridge.4:45You shouldn't keep your bread in the refrigerator.4:47Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules which occurs faster at cool temperatures.4:52On earth we say thank you.4:55So Leonard how goes the mimesis Mimesis You know mimesis An action in which the mimic takes on the properties of a specific object or organism5:10Mimesis.5:13What the hell are you talking about?5:16I'm attempting to communicate with you without my meaning becoming apparent to those around you.5:22Let me try again.5:25Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own?5:31Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.5:34Oh, I guess so.5:36Good.5:37FYI, after I eat my sandwich,5:40I'm taking Kutrupali's patang kite out for a test run.5:43Would you like to get your delta wing raptor and join me?5:45I don't want to fly kites, Sheldon.5:47We're watching football here.5:49I can see that.5:50I was providing you with an alternative.5:52A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances.5:57No choice but to employ the most passionate, seductive dance known to man.6:05The flamenco.6:22For God's sake, you're ridiculous.6:35What the hell is wrong with you?6:39I'm The Flash. I just knocked 30,000 times.6:42Okay, what do you want, Sheldon?6:44I understand why you're upset.6:47Really?6:48Yes. You're afraid that costume makes you look fat.6:52No.6:56Wait, does it?6:59Wait, don't worry.7:01Wonder Woman was an Amazon.7:04And Amazons tend to be very beefy gals.7:09Goodbye, Sheldon.7:13But they're not blonde, so put on your wig.7:20Hello?7:21Ladies and gentlemen our guest of honor Dr Sheldon Cooper Thanks Jordy I take it from here All right you people ready to have some fun You have a basic understanding of differential calculus7:36and at least one year of algebraic topology?7:39Well, here come the jokes.7:42Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?7:46To get to the same side. Bazinga!7:50Neutron walks into a bar and asks,7:52walks into a bar and asks, how much for a drink?7:54The bartender says, for you, no charge.8:02Hello?8:04I know you're out there.8:05I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide.8:10Looks like we have some academic dignitaries in the audience.8:13Dr. Randall from the geology department,8:16only man who's happy when they take his work for granted.8:19But I'll try.8:22I've kid the geologist, of course, but it's only because I have no respect for the field.8:29Let's get serious for a moment.8:35Why are we all here?8:38Because we're scientists.8:40And what do scientists study?8:43The universe.8:45And what's the universe made of?8:47I am so glad you asked.8:49There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,8:52and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,8:55and nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium.8:58Everybody!8:59And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,9:02europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium.9:05Just the Asians!9:06And last, aluminum and ospy!9:08This has truly been a transformative evening.9:11I'm a little surprised to hear you feeling so positive.9:13Well, you're an excellent neuroscientist.9:16You're a wonderful girlfriend.9:18And...9:22And?9:24Doesn't matter, does it?9:28I'm proud of you, Sheldon.9:32And a complete sucker.9:39Oh, yeah.9:48There he is.9:53I'm the home of the brave.10:00Don't stop. Yes. Keep going. Just like that. Almost there. Almost there.10:12This may seem a little odd at first, but over time you'll grow accustomed to dealing with me in this configuration.10:22Yeah, to be honest, I don't see much difference.10:24Thank you. That's what I was going for.10:30Now, Leonard, tomorrow when we go to work,10:32you'll need to allow some extra time to get me down the stairs.10:37For your convenience, I disassemble into four pieces.10:41This is ridiculous. I'm coming to talk to you.10:43You don't know where I am.10:46My physical body is safely ensconced in a secure, undisclosed location.10:52You're in your bedroom.10:54No, I'm not.10:55I can hear your voice coming from your bedroom.11:00No, you can't.11:05Hey! He did that on purpose!11:08No, he didn't. Nothing that's happening here is being done on purpose.11:14Okay, uh, forget one-on-one, let's try a free throw contest.11:18First person who makes a basket wins the office.11:21Making it too easy there, Hofstetter.11:23Nope, no, I'm not.11:25Use the force, Sheldon.11:31Use the force.11:33I gonna need more force All right Cooper Prepare to have your heart broken11:48Do I get points for that?12:01Ha!12:05All right, we gave it 45 minutes.12:12It's no longer funny.12:13Let's try something else.12:16What do you propose?12:17Uh, on the count of three,12:19both of you bounce the balls as hard as you can.12:21The highest bounce wins the office.12:23Oh, you are going down, Koopa.12:25I don't think so, Kripke.12:26I've bounced many a rubber ball in my day.12:28All right, that's enough trash talk.12:30One, two, three.12:38Sheldon was hired.12:40Congratulations, Sheldon.12:41You win the office.12:42Who's unsatisfactory in P.E. now?12:45Come here.12:50Bazinga.12:59Bazinga.13:04Bazinga!13:07Bazinga!