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0:00No, we're not playing some dumb made-up game.0:02But all games are made up.0:04They're not found in nature.0:05You know, just dig in the ground,0:07come across a rich vein of rock'em sock'em robots.0:11Just pick another game.0:13Why don't we do something athletic?0:14Like, go over to the university pool and play water polo.0:17No good. Sheldon doesn't float.0:20That is true.0:21I have a higher-than-normal body density.0:24If I run too deep a bath, I drown.0:25Ready, set, wrestle!0:30One, two, three, pick!0:34Stop that!0:38Amy, do something!0:40Amy, help!0:42Amy, stop that!0:44Amy, can you help me?0:46You came into my apartment last night while I was sleeping?0:49Yes, but only to clean!0:50While I was sleeping!0:52And snoring.0:53And that's probably just a sinus infection.0:56But it could be sleep apnea.0:57You might want to see an otolaryngologist.1:02It's a throat doctor.1:05And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?1:09Depending on the depth.1:10That's either a proctologist or a general surgeon.1:18That's the last dumpling.1:19Oh, me.1:20Do the panties a moment.1:21We just had Thai food.1:24In that culture, the last morsel is called the Grang Jai piece,1:28and it is reserved for the most important and valued member of the group.1:38Thank you all for this high honor.1:43I've seen pictures of your mother. Keep eating.1:51Uh, Giselle's not getting kicked off.1:54It's totally gonna be summer.1:55Eee!1:58What?1:59It's Sheldon's onion ring. Just put it back.2:01It's one onion ring.2:02Just put it back before he comes.2:04No, no, no, I don't think that's where it was.2:06Okay, here he comes. Denny, Denny, Denny, people.2:08Wall of silence.2:14Who touched my foot?2:15Penny, Penny did it.2:16Why would you do that?2:22I don't know. I was hungry. What's the big deal?2:24The big deal is that nobody touches food on my plate All right Look I didn know i sorry well i sorry but that is your second strike2:36what you have two strikes three strikes and you're out2:43it's a sports metaphor a sports metaphor yes baseball2:47All right, yeah, I'll play along.2:52What was my first strike?2:54March 18th.2:55You violated my rule about forwarding email humor.2:59I did?3:00I trusted you with my email address,3:02and you betrayed that trust by sending me internet banality.3:05Strike one.3:07Touching my food.3:08Strike two.3:11Don't worry.3:11They only stay on your record for a year.3:14You can get them removed early,3:16but you have to take his class.3:19Oh, come on.3:21I touched one onion ring.3:22And then you put it back,3:24compromising the integrity of all the other onion rings.3:28Oh, honey, the buses don't go where you live, do they?3:34Penny, I wish I could be more lenient with you,3:37but since you've become a permanent member of our social group,3:39I have to hold you to the same standards as everybody else.3:42Congratulations. You're officially one of us.3:44One of us. One of us.3:50Well, what a thrill.3:52You're sitting in my spot?3:53Oh, you've got to be kidding me.3:55Leonard, she's in my spot.3:57Yeah, yeah.3:58I don't care. I'm taking a stand.4:00All right. That's it. Strike three.4:03Ooh, strike three.4:05I'm banished? What the hell kind of crap is that?4:09Don't worry, I'll talk to him.4:11Yeah, you do that.4:12Just so I know, would you be open to taking his class?4:14Oh, there's no key in here, just letters.4:17That's the wrong box. Put it back.4:19Oh, Sheldon, are these letters from your grandmother?4:22Don't read those letters.4:24Oh, look, she calls you Moon Pie. That is so cute.4:27Put down the letters!4:32Hey, Penny, it's Leonard.4:34Hey, Leonard. How's the train ride?4:35Delightful.4:37Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now,4:39but there are little bubbles forming in the corner of Sheldon's mouth.4:42Okay, yeah, I kind of crossed a line.4:44Put him back on.4:47I'm back.4:48What up, Moon Pie?4:50No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw.4:56Hey Penny Leonard again Okay I found the box Now what You holding a Japanese puzzle box5:05which takes ten precise moves to open.5:09First, locate the panel with the diamond pattern5:12and slide the center portion one millimeter to the left.5:16Then, on the opposite end of the box,5:18slide the entire panel down two millimeters.5:21You'll hear a slight click.5:23Hang on, Sheldon, do you have any emotional attachment to this box?5:27No, it's a novelty I ordered off the internet.5:29Did you hear the click?5:30Not yet.5:35There it is.5:38And I suppose I should apologize to you as well.5:41Okay.5:43That must have hurt, watching me look for other women5:46without ever even considering you.5:53Please understand that I think of you as more of a nanny.6:00Just finish your ice cream so I can get you home to bed.6:05Coming right up.6:07Wait, excuse me.6:08You forgot my barbecue bacon cheeseburger.6:10Barbecue sauce, bacon, and cheese on the side.6:13Oh, I didn't tell you.6:14You're banished from the Cheesecake Factory.6:18Why?6:19Well, you have three strikes.6:22One coming in, two sitting down,6:24and three, I don't like your attitude.6:26You can't do that.6:28Not only is it a violation of California state law,6:30it flies directly in the face of Cheesecake Factory policy.6:33Yeah, no, there's a new policy.6:35No shoes, no shirt, no Sheldon.6:38I bet we could sell that sign all over Pasadena.6:42I think we'd make amazing parents.6:45Will you guys keep it down?6:51On the other hand, we might lack a certain maturity.6:54All right, let's keep it simple. How about darts?6:57No, that's not fair either.6:58Why not?6:59Darts is a bar game.7:01You've been frequenting drinking establishments since you were of legal age.7:05Yeah, that's when it started.7:1057, 58, 59. That's one minute.7:18Long division. Long division. Go, go, go.7:21Remember, show your work.7:25I okay I okay Not not okay Get up We can lose in math7:37Yes!7:55I'm sorry.8:25What was that?8:44Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him.8:48That's my girl.8:55Oh.8:58Hello.9:00Time to do your laundry, huh?9:03Saturday night.9:05Saturday is laundry night.9:07I know.9:09Every Saturday at 8.15.9:11Easy to anticipate.9:16What are you implying?9:18I'm implying that you're a creature of habit.9:21And if something were to prevent you from doing your laundry on Saturday,9:248-8-15, you might find it unpleasant.9:35Knuckle under my ass.9:45Oh, no.9:47Are all the machines taken?9:51What are you going to do?9:54No problem.9:56I'll just do my laundry another night.10:00Another night?10:01Well, I guess you can try, but deep inside your heart,10:05you'll know that laundry night is always Saturday night.10:13Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.10:17Yeah, well, your ken can kiss my Barbie.10:21There's no need to bark at me.10:25According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk,10:28you'll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack10:31but appears to be well enough to play doodle jump on his iPhone.10:36We have to fill these out.10:39Describe illness or injury.10:41I dislocated my shoulder.10:44All right.10:46And how did the accident occur?10:48You already know that.10:51Cause of accident, lack of adhesive ducts.10:58Okay, medical history.11:00Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?11:02No.11:03Kidney disease?11:03No.11:04Migraines?11:05Getting one.11:07Are you currently pregnant?11:10Are you sure you look a bit puffy?11:14Change migraine to yes.11:18When was your last menstrual period?11:20Oh, next question.11:21I'll put in progress.11:25Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders.11:28List all major behavioral diagnoses,11:30e.g. depression, anxiety, etc.11:32Oh, my God, what the hell does this have to do11:34with my stupid shoulder?11:36Episodes of subpsychotic rage.11:41Ass.11:42Possible Tourette's.11:46By moles, lesions, or other skin conditions.11:49Soup tattoo on right buttock.11:52Okay, Sheldon, Sheldon, look.11:54I am scared and in a lot of pain.11:56Could you please take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don't know, comforting?12:05I'm sorry.12:07They're there.12:11Everything's going to be fine.12:22Sheldon's here.12:26Thanks that much better I don think there anything in this jewelry store that Amy would appreciate more than12:37the humidifier we were just looking at at Sears.12:39Oh my God, now I know what I sound like to you when I say stupid stuff.12:46Oh, a pocket watch.12:50Okay, I don't think Amy wants a pocket watch.12:52No, but maybe she wants a man with a pocket watch.12:57Still saying stupid stuff.13:01Ooh, she like bracelets?13:03Well, she's very fond of her silver one13:05that says allergic to penicillin.13:08Maybe they have a dressier version of that.13:10Well, how are we doing this afternoon?13:12Are we looking for anything special?13:14Perhaps a ring for the lady?13:15Trust me, we are not a couple.13:18Excuse me.13:19I don't see why you get to snort derisively13:21and point that out.13:22You'd be lucky to land a fellow like me.13:25Fine, go ahead.13:27Trust me, we are not a couple.13:29Okay, we don't have that in stock.13:33But I can special order it for you.13:36Him.13:38Excuse me, sir.13:39You don't work here.13:41Yes, well, apparently neither does anyone else.13:45Sheldon, we have to go.13:47Why?13:47Well, for one thing, we're late for Leonard's birthday party,13:50and for another, I told him to call security.13:53Good luck.13:57By the way, a six-year-old could hack your computer system.14:00Keep walking.14:01One, two, three, four is not a secure password.14:03Consider this unlikely but very plausible scenario.14:06A young woman alone in the big city.14:09Her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her.14:13Hey, wait a minute.14:15Hang on, let's see where he's going.14:17Then it hits her.14:18How is she going to survive?14:20But she has no prospects, no marketable skills.14:23And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard.14:32Hey, hang on. Let's see where he's going.14:36She befriends them and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea,14:41which she steals and sells to the highest bidder.14:45That is ridiculous.14:46Oh, is it?14:46Let's see you come up with an explanation14:48as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time.14:55Okay you know what I already mooched dinner off you guys I don need to listen to this What are you doing You have to start with the edges There no right way Sheldon I already found a few pieces that fit Well take them apart and start with the edges15:08And stop wasting time.15:11Oh, it's the comic book store. All right, come on. That's where we have to go.15:15But we haven't finished the puzzle.15:17But it doesn't matter. We know the answer.15:20You think you know the answer, but it could be a trick.15:24What if, when the puzzle's complete,15:26there's a sign in the window that says,15:28Go to the train store?15:30Okay, it's not gonna say that.15:32Well, I hope you're wrong.15:34I really want to go to the train store.15:42It's the comic book store. It's the comic book store.15:44It's the comic book store.15:54It's a comic book story.15:59How come you didn't go into work today?16:01I'm taking a sabbatical16:03because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.16:06So you got canned, huh?16:08Theoretical physicists do not get canned.16:12But yeah.16:14Maybe it's all for the best.16:16You know, I always say when one door closes,16:18another one opens.16:19No, it doesn't.16:21Not unless the two doors are connected by relays16:24or there are motion sensors involved.16:26No, no, I meant...16:27The first door closing creates a change of air pressure16:29that acts upon the second door.16:31Never mind.16:34Slow down.16:35Slow down.16:37We're fine!16:38You're not leaving yourself enough space between cars.16:41Oh, sure I am.16:42No, no.16:43Let me do the math for you.16:44This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds.16:46Now add 140 for me, 120 for you.16:50Oh, I'm sorry.16:51Did I insult you?16:52Is your body mass somehow tied into yourself worse?16:54Well, yeah.16:57Interesting.16:58Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let's say, 4,400 pounds.17:02Let's say 4,390.17:04Fine.17:05We're traveling forward at, good lord, 51 miles an hour.17:10Now let's assume that your brakes are new and the calipers are aligned.17:13Still, by the time we come to a stop, we'll be occupying the same space as that Buick in17:17front of us, an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation,17:21Oh, look, they built a new putt-putt course.17:27This is great Look at me I in the real world of ordinary people just living their ordinary colorless workaday lives17:38No, thank you.17:40Thank you, ordinary person.17:43Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes?17:47Uh, no, no, not really.17:48Listen, didn't you say you needed some eggs?17:51Yes, but anyone who knows anything17:53about the dynamics of bacterial growth17:54knows to pick up their refrigerated foods17:56on the way out of the supermarket.17:58Oh, okay, well, maybe you should start heading on out then.18:02No, this is fun.18:04Oh, the thing about tomatoes,18:05and I think you'll really enjoy this,18:06is they're shelved with the vegetables,18:09but they're technically a fruit.18:10Oh, interesting.18:11Isn't it?18:12No, I mean what you find enjoyable.18:19Oh, boy.18:21What now?18:23Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin,18:26but the human body can only absorb so much.18:28What you're buying here are the ingredients18:30for very expensive urine.18:34Well, maybe that's what I was going for.18:37Well, then you'll want some manganese.18:45Well, that was fun.18:47Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores.18:50Oh, I don't know, Sheldon.18:51I know, Sheldon. It's gonna take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today.18:56Are you sure? There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk.19:00For example, I noticed that you purchased your tampons one month's supply at a time.19:06What?19:08Think about it. It's a product that doesn't spoil, and you're going to be needing them for at least the next 30 years.19:14You want me to buy 30 years' worth of tampons?19:18Well, 30, 35. When did your mother go into menopause?19:20Okay.19:21Here's one I thought I'd take to the grave.19:24Okay.19:25Hmm.19:27A while back, YouTube changed its user interface from a star-based rating system to a thumbs-up rating system.19:36I tell people I'm okay with it, but I'm really not.19:45That's your big revelation?19:48Yes.19:50Whew, I feel 10 pounds lighter.19:54Okay, you know what? I give up. I'm going to bed.19:58Here's something else you want to do.20:00You don't know about me.20:01You just hurt my feelings.20:03What did I do?20:04I opened up and shared something deeply upsetting to me,20:08and you treated it as if it were nothing.20:11I didn't think it was a big deal.20:13It is to me. That's the point.20:18Sheldon, you are right.20:20I'm really sorry. I should have known better.20:23Your apology is accepted.20:27How about a hug?20:28How about a hearty handshake?20:29Come on.20:35Now I know how you felt getting mauled20:37by that sex crazed gorilla.