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Transcript
0:00Alright, how else can we get alcohol?0:02Yo guys!0:03Sup?0:04Fogel, where have you been, man?0:05You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack!0:07Let me see it.0:08You pussy out or what?0:09No, no, man, I got it. It's flawless. Check it.0:13Hawaii.0:14Alright, that's good. It's hard to trace, I guess.0:17Wait, you changed your name to...0:19McLovin?0:21Uh-uh.0:22McLovin?0:24What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogel?0:26What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?0:28They let you pick any name you want when you get down there.0:30And you landed on McLovin?0:32Yeah, I was between that and Muhammad.0:34Why the fuck would it be between that and Muhammad?0:36Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?0:38Muhammad is the most commonly used name on earth. Read a fucking book for once.0:42Fogle, have you ever actually met anyone named Muhammad?0:44Have you actually ever met anyone named McLovin?0:46No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name.0:48Fuck you.0:49Give me that.0:50Alright, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number one.0:53Number two, it doesn't even have a first name. It just says McLovin.0:57What? What name? What name?1:00Who are you, Seal?1:01Fogel, this ID says you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?1:05Seth, Seth, Seth, listen up, ass face.1:07Every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with their fake IDs,1:11and every single one says they're 21.1:13How many 21-year-olds do you think there are in this town?1:15It's called fucking strategy, all right?1:16Let's stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads.1:18It's a fine ID. It's gonna work. It's passable, okay?1:22This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogel.1:25This guy's either gonna think, here's another kid with a fake ID,1:27or here's McLovin, the 25-year-old Hawaiian organ donor.1:31Okay? So what's it gonna be?1:34I am McLovin.1:36No, you're not. No one's McLovin.1:39McLovin's never existed,1:40because that's a made-up, dumb, fucking fairytale name, you fuck!1:43Jeez, man, it'll work. Give it a chance.1:46Did you move my... Where is my car?1:55I hope Piggy can run.2:03How old are you?2:19You certainly are.2:21That'll be $80.2:22Oh, okay.2:24Shaw, thank you kindly.2:26Will that do?2:27Certainly will.2:28Thank you, Chef.2:30Hey, thank you.2:33Oh.2:40You dropped your purse, ma'am.2:43Would you like some help with your groceries?2:45Well, that would be lovely, young man.2:47Would you like me to buy you alcohol?2:50That would be lovely.2:53Enjoy your remaining years.2:55I will. Enjoy fucking jewels.2:58I will!3:03Don't do it, kid.3:19I never had a choice.3:33Who killed her?3:37No!3:48Where's all this stolen liquor, Danny Ocean?3:50Did you hide it up your butt?3:51Piss off! I was gonna do it, but there was a security breach.3:54You never would have done it.3:56Let's go to the liquor store and watch your stupid ID get rejected.3:59Wait, I'm gonna go put my vest back in my locker.4:03Hello, Mindy.4:18I love that stuff Been drinking it for years You know I heard they recently decided to add more hops to it4:29Um, okay.4:30I'm gonna need to see some identification.4:35Really?4:37Makes me feel young again.4:39Oh shit, it's Carrie Hutchins.4:48She had the biggest tits I've ever seen, I think.4:50Yeah, I heard she got breast reduction surgery.4:52What? Making your tits smaller?4:54That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a gorgeous gift.4:57She had back problems, man.4:59And it's not just making them smaller, they completely reshape them.5:02They make them more supple and symmetrical.5:04I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks.5:07Let's make a move.5:09She's going around the corner.5:10Come on.5:17OK.5:18Your total is $96.59.5:30I don't leave.5:33Are you OK, mister?5:35What the shit was that?5:39I don't believe it.5:41I don't believe it.5:45I don't know, man.5:46I think she looked better before.5:48But now that she can jog comfortably,5:49she's in the best shape she's ever been.5:52Oh.5:54What is this?5:56What's that?5:58Oh, man.6:06Holy shit, they busted Fogel.6:09What just happened, Evan? Fuck, man.6:11His dad's gonna fucking kill him.6:17Spread your shit Get on the ground Loaded gun ready to go Spread your shit Pussies on the pavement fellas Come on Please don shoot sir Please don shoot Shut up Spread your shit6:30I am the law, OK?6:33Now hold hands.6:35What?6:36Why?6:37Because you don't want an asshole where your face used to be.6:39Wailing Jennings.6:40Hold his fucking hand.6:41Fucking hold my hand.6:43There.6:44That's not so hard, is it?6:45Here, McLovin, have a cigarette.6:49Smoke up. Life's short, you know?6:52Suck it in, my friend.6:54Suck it long and deep.6:57Enjoy it.6:58McLovin, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin.7:03You like Officer Slater and myself?7:05Yeah. You guys are awesome.7:08Thanks. We really like you too, McLovin.7:12So here's what's about to happen.7:13We're gonna arrest these two guys,7:15and you're gonna write a witness report saying7:17they leapt out in front of our car like madmen,7:19and there was nothing we could do to avoid hitting them.7:20Sound cool?7:22Yeah, that's fine.7:24Good.7:25Oh, that's good.7:26Pretend he's your little sister.7:28Your little sister.7:29What the picture?7:30Bigger-a-digger.7:41What the fuck?7:49Shit!7:51Shit!7:53Run!7:55Run!7:57Hold on, I gotta get all the crew.8:01Dad, what up?8:03I love it, man.8:05I love it, man.8:09I love it.8:11I love it.8:17That's what up!8:18It's loving Bill!8:20Chase the kids!